- May 9, 2024
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With an opening line like “I used to think we all knew what we wanted from life,” you knew this episode was going to be a bit bumpy.
Mostly because the entire cast are in their early 20s, and I can assure you that I know no one that age that truly knows what they want from life, but also partly because drama follows this group like the plague.
After recapping how rocky everyone’s relationships are (because they are all immature. You’re welcome. I solved the world’s greatest mystery), the episode begins right where we left off — Juliette telling Amanda she saw a girl in Alex’s bed.
Are any of us shocked this happened? All signs point to no.
Amanda correctly says that Alex doesn’t deserve Juliette. Juliette says Alex won’t stop texting and calling her and said her assumptions are what’s ruining their relationships.
Hmmmm, because it is surely not his lack of control for flirting with anyone of the opposite sex.
Juliette tells Amanda that Alex said that two girls slept in his bed while he slept upstairs after a night out.
Seems completely untrue.
Anyway, the pot boils, and elsewhere Brandon shows Madisson the God awful music video they made because this is the plot line that will never end.
Madisson forces out “Oh my gosh! Wow Brandon, that’s really good!” Gag.
Then the two talk about how their partners were uncomfortable with the music video, and Brandon admits cheating on Madisson was his biggest mistake. Tell us something we don’t know.
Next, Canvas and Tawni got to Motorworks, and Tawni spills that her and Ben have been texting and snapchatting not so casually. As in, Ben texted her “oh hey, hottie…” and she tells Canvas she wants him to do things to her that I probably cannot repeat here.
Canvas says that Madisson is “wife material that you leave at home with the four kids and leave for the mistress,” and I am so disrespected on Madisson’s behalf.
Elsewhere in paradise, Alex and Juliette meet, and he says he would never want to put Juliette in a situation like this, but really he already has because he can’t keep it in his pants.
He tries to say this has all made him realize how special Juliette is, and we all roll our eyes.
As Chloe says, the next part of the episode feels like five days, so here are some bullets:
Sometime after this trip, Canvas and Chloe hit up Lila for lunch and Canvas shows Chloe texts between Tawni and Ben, to which Chloe says she has to tell Madisson. Canvas says Chloe should be careful about getting too involved as if she didn’t just show Chloe texts that weren’t hers to share.
Later, Ben, Jared, Tawni, Canvas and Carrot go to Gilligan’s on Siesta and Ben admits that he and Madisson have been rocky lately. Tawni looks thrilled.
Elsewhere, Carrot is doing their own thing on one side of the bar, and Cara asks Garrett if he likes her new Valentino shoes by lifting her foot in the air to show him. Girlfriend, put your dang foot down. You are in Gilligan’s where my roommates and I once shared three fried appetizers for dinner.
Please don’t judge us. We had just moved here and were hungry.
Moving on because there is some ~drama~ to discuss.
Cara tells Garrett that Chloe texted her saying she should spy on Ben. Obviously, Garrett continues his stupid phase and goes and tells Ben this.
Some random stuff happens next so here we go:
Listen, I have something to say to any men who have future vacation plans to come to Siesta Key.
DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY FULL OF SCUM.
Alright, we can continue now.
Part of the group decides to go to the beach again, which seems bad. Too much sun (and alcohol) isn’t good for anyone.
Ben, Madisson, Chloe, Carrot and Pauly hang out, but it isn’t long until Pauly decides to guilt trip everyone about using Alex for his money like he doesn’t also do that.
This group really is not self aware.
Shortly into this scene, an argument breaks out between Madisson, Ben and Chloe, and Ben tells Chloe he knows she told Cara to spy on him. Chloe denies this. We love honesty.
Cara and Chloe go for a walk, and it turns into an argument that Garrett feels the need to join. Chloe is mad Cara told Garrett about her texts. It’s all dumb.
Everyone should lose phone privileges for a month.
As the episode wraps, Juliette and Alex meet for dinner at Ophelia’s on the Bay, which is where they went on their “first date” in season one, episode one.
Juliette immediately takes control, as she should, and starts asking a lot of fair questions. She also does this while eating her well-deserved meal, so snaps for her.
She asks why he did it. He said he’s immature. She says that’s a good answer. We love a sassy Juliette.
Then she finally says what I think we’ve all wanted her to realize since the beginning:
“You literally treat random women better than you treat your own girlfriend.”
Alex says he treats her like a princess, to which she asks if that’s why he’s cheated on her 1,394,300 times.
Give this girl some kind of award please.
However, as strong as she seems, she starts to break down and says that though he broke her heart, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him, which is fair since this is all very fresh.
Alex tells her, like the gentleman he is, that he doesn’t want HER to make a mistake that will ruin their relationship forever.
She immediately, and rightfully, calls him out because he is acting like he didn’t make multiple mistakes that altered their relationship forever.
She tells him he sucks. He calls her cute AND THEN IT’S JUST DECIDED THAT THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER.
With that news, Alex smiles and takes a big bite of food, and his face tells us he knows he got his way and will not change.
Yikes.
Can’t wait for whatever storm is brewing to hit Siesta next week.
