911 caller turns out to be all wet

Saturday, Dec. 27

Unfair trade practice

9:54 a.m., 1300 block of Loma Linda Court

Civil dispute: A swap of means of conveyance turned out to be something of a fraud. The complainant advised an officer her son traded his Soleil 01 electric bike for a Razor mx500 via Facebook Marketplace, both valued at approximately $1,500, according to the incident report.

The woman stated a juvenile and his mother came to their address to execute the trade, and that the exchange of property appeared to be legitimate. However, apparently not taking the scooter for a test drive, her son later discovered it required a new battery. 

After making multiple contacts with their trading partners, presumably through the social media platform, they refused to re-exchange the property. The complainant was unable to provide any direct contact information for the subjects. 

Because the matter is civil in nature and no crime had been committed, the complainant was advised the officer would document the incident so she could proceed to take action through small claims court if she so chose.

Fool me twice …

1:37 p.m., 1900 block of Main Street

Disturbance: An anonymous caller lodged a complaint about a disturbance in a neighboring apartment, which turned out to be familiar to the responding officers as they had responded to a domestic disturbance in the same apartment in November 2025.

Answering the door was the same man who was asked if he had allowed the same woman back into his apartment, which he confirmed. The pair had met through an online dating platform and began a relationship, which he had quickly ended. The man said he was again having the same issues with her. The woman had left the apartment before officers arrived. Having not established residency, he was advised to call law enforcement if she returns.

Monday, Dec., 29

Just being pissy

12:45 a.m., 1500 block of Main Street

Dispute: Having called 911, a man said he was attempting to enter a downtown dining and drinking establishment when he was told he was denied access until he submitted to being patted down. He told a responding officer the security professional referred to him via a homophobic slur and that he — presumably referencing the bouncer — engages in carnal knowledge with his mother.

As the bar staff member is known to the officers, they were understandably skeptical of the man’s claims, a suspicion confirmed by further investigation into the matter.

The bouncer said the man attempted to enter the property without the requisite late-night pat-down, to which the complainant responded angrily. As if it would result in a deviation of policy, he advised the bouncer that he was a doctor and possessed five higher education degrees. 

The officer then advised the complainant that he is denied service for the night and asked if he wished to provide his identification for the incident report. Asked what difference that would make, the officer responded it was policy to document all in-person encounters stemming from a 911 call.

Then it got bizarre.

The officer reported that the complainant smelled of urine, and in providing his ID he reached into his pocket, withdrew a wallet from which he presented a wet retired Air Force identification card. The officer asked if the substance was urine as he was not wearing gloves, which further agitated the man. He was advised the incident would be documented, and all three officers who responded to the scene agreed to the source of the odor emanating from the man and his wallet.