Key Notes: 'Siesta Key' Season 2, Episode 3 Recap

Episode two was just as rocky as episode one but what could we expect?

As the episode opens with Juliette telling Amanda that Alex “revealed” Chloe was “in love with” him, Chloe and Cara are talking elsewhere about how Alex obviously still has a thing for Cara.

I think Alex has a thing for any breathing female, so no offense Cara, I’m not sure it’s just you.

Back in Amanda and Juliette’s convo, Amanda says Cara has always been Alex’s weakness, but if that’s really true, I’m sure our beloved MTV crew would have introduced us to her last season.

Juliette shares that Alex is planning a trip for her and their friends to Miami for her “graduation from junior year.”

I’m all for celebrating accomplishments, but this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Most kids celebrate “graduating junior year,” with copious amounts of alcohol the night before they move back home for a summer internship.

Anyway, while Juliette continues to be, as Cara says, “obsessed with that Kompo lifestyle — it’s embarrassing,” Gary Kompo takes his dear Alex to an empty office that HE SAYS IS FOR HIM ONCE HE GRADUATES.

WHAT?!

For all we know, Alex could not graduate or not pass the bar, but by all means, let’s buy him an office. Must be nice to be so rich you can just buy things that might be needed.

Speaking of being rich, Gary then takes Alex to a car dealership and buys him a 2018 Bentley Bentayga. (I’m going to keep it real here and say I had to Google how to spell Bentayga because I’m not rich enough to know that.)

I’m perfectly content with my Hyundai Elantra I named Lucy, thank you.

I bet Alex named his car “almost macho” or “spoiled” or prince.” Oh oops, those are just words describing Alex.

Also, the interior is red, which is disgusting. No offense, but nothing says “I’m trying to be so cool,” than a car with a red interior that your daddy bought you.

Enough about that.

MTV then decides we should hear BG sing, BUT WAIT, he’s joined by a vocalist named Alana, who is quite quickly dubbed the Beyoncé of Siesta Key, and I think that’s a tad disrespectful to Bey.

Brandon and Alana sing, well she sings. Brandon just makes some noises.

Honestly, if BG could sing, then why doesn’t MTV use any of his songs during the episodes? Think about that for a minute.

When our eardrums have completely bled out, we watch Alex pull his new ride into Juliette’s driveway where she tells us that it’s, like really hard to date the richest guy in Siesta Key.

Whatever.

Alex gets out of his car and in a smooth and the-producers-totally-didn’t-tell-me-to-say-this robotic voice, he asks Juliette what her plans are for the future.

Well, last week, when you guys had dinner with your parents it sounded like you were going to be together forever, but he has probably long forgotten that dinner.

Anyway Juliette says she wants to own her own business and like the ultra-supportive boyfriend he is, he says “I don’t want to see you fail.”

First of all, this isn’t about you. No one asked about your feelings. Second of all, instead of shooting her down, you should say “Juliette, dear, maybe love of my life who I fight with every three seconds, I support you and will always be here for you.”

But this is not a Nicholas Sparks movie, so we’ll just have to deal with this.

Mostly because we have other relationships to analyze, like Ben and Madisson’s.

Ben comes to visit, which I honestly wasn’t expecting, and they have an incredibly vague conversation about their relationship.

Ben says he’s open to traveling to Siesta to see Madisson, to which she says this:

“When we’re together...it feels like we’re together.”

This is … um … weird (I truly can’t even think of the right word to describe it) on so many levels.

That’s kind of how the conversation ends, so let’s move on because it’s time for Brandon’s 23rd birthday party.

Let’s use some bullet points:

• Juliette and Amanda whisper to each other that they like Chloe’s outfit. It should be noted here that the party is ’70s-themed.
• Jared confronts Alex, and surprisingly they somehow agree to move on. Unsure how long this will last.
• During this convo, Alex barely opens his mouth while speaking and it reminds us of that blissful time his mouth was wired shut.
• Tawni (that rando from the tiki bar) asks Ben what’s going on with him and Madisson, to which he says “we’re not like together.” Yikes.
• Cara sits next to Garret and says “talk to me. I need friends,” which honestly, is how many 23-year-olds I know felt post-grad when moving to new cities.
• Cara and Garrett establish they are both single and ready to mingle and swap digits.
• Jared asks Kelsey how her boyfriend is then asks her to go to the beach. We beg Kelsey to say no, but …

Time out because Alana has shown up and is talking to Brandon. Brandon says his relationship with Camilla is so new, so he’s just like getting used to it because relationships “are a lot of responsibility.”

Says, BG, who might know zilch about relationships and responsibility based off what he did to Madisson (cheater, cheater).

• Kelsey and Garrett go to the beach and makeout. Uh oh.
• Juliette and Chloe talk about Cara again. Chloe says Juliette “would have none of this” if she hadn’t brought her into the friend group. She tells Juliette to watch her back.
• We go to commercial, and when we’re back, a very good dog is shown with his fluffy hair blowing in the wind. If only the episode could end so happily.

After exchanging numbers at the party, Garrett and Cara go on a date to Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium. It’s a bit awk at first, but then Cara asks Garrett what wishes he would make if he was offered three and one of them is another date with her, which is pretty cute.

After about a minute and a half of that, Chloe goes to Alex’s house to confront him about being in love with him.

Turns out that about a year-and-a-half ago to two years ago, she started getting jealous of girls who hung around Alex, so she thought she was developing feelings for him.

News flash to anyone who doesn’t follow Chloe on Instagram: she has had a long-distance boyfriend for at least two-and-a-half years, so this timeline seems sketchy and made up.

Next, Chloe hangs out with Cara and Canvas while Cara recounts her date with Garrett. His finances come up and Chloe says obviously, Cara is well off and doesn’t need anyone to take care of her, and I just really need these guys to STOP equating having money to being a suitable partner.

IT’S OK TO DATE SOMEONE WHO ISN’T RICH. Just had to get that out.

Chloe admits to Cara and Canvas the “truth” about her feelings for Alex, and Cara goes “oh, so this is a thing?” which is honestly what we all were asking.

Then she asks on behalf of all of us, “how happy are you looking back now that you didn’t get with him?”

Amen.

*Commercial break*  Refill your wine! Check Twitter! Hurry!

“No guy is going to commit to you until you make them.”

I kid you not, this is the narration that greets us as we come back to a scene with Kelsey, Madisson and Ben paddleboarding. The conversation eventually turns to long-distance relationships.

Dear Juliette, I know you’re probably reading this narration off a sheet of paper, but if you truly thinks this is true, which I think you do because you’re with Alex, your friends need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with you right now. You need THE LORD.

Anyway, Ben tells Kelsey both him and Madisson are single and these two are giving me whiplash. Madisson says Kelsey and her BF Jacob can be their inspiration as if Kelsey hadn’t cheated on him two days ago (someone’s good at keeping secrets).

The final 15 minutes honestly packed so much in, so here we go:

• BG and Alana sing at his house and his GF Facetimes him and gets mad. She asks to talk to BG in private so he walks 10 feet from Alana to chat. *Eye roll emoji*
• BG says his past is irrelevant, which is dumb.
• The gang goes to White Buffalo Saloon for some wild west fun.
• Kelsey and Jared dance together. He asks her what she’s doing after and recommends the beach again. Oh boy.
• Chloe asks Juliette to talk.
• Chloe admits she had “feelings” for Alex but they are long-gone. She also admits she knew Cara would push Juliette’s button, which she says is “why I pressed it.”
• They hug and make up and Chloe is granted her spot on the Miami trip by her fairy godmother Juliette.
• Inside, Juliette tells Alex his parents are rich, so she’s ordering pizza. He calls her a brat and lists out the things he did for her that day, including buying her Starbucks and filling up her gas tank.
• She tells him to stop treating everything he does for her as something that needs to be paid back because she spends every weekend during the semester driving to see him. Fair point.
• Pauly tries to jump in, per usual, and helps no one. Juliette tells him that he uses Alex’s money too, so he’s no better than her. One point for Juliette and none for Pauly.

“And that’s what you missed on Glee!”

Kidding, but I do think a musical number would put this show on the Emmy radar.

(I’m 110% joking, obviously).

Ha, could you imagine?

See you next week!