On this week’s episode, Brandon gets lost in the sauce, Kelsey and Madisson head to the concrete jungle, Garrett is done being the nice guy, Pauly and Paige makes us puke and Chloe is MIA.
I feel like I should start this week’s recap with a confession.
I love the theme song for this show. It’s catchy and fun and makes me think the coming episode is going to be light and fun.
So it gives me a false hope, but whatever, now you know my deep, dark secret.
Anyway, let’s cut to the drama. HA, get it?
Okay, for real, we have a lot to discuss, so I’ll get to it.
The episode opens with a mindless scene of Brandon and Carson playing pool before jumping to Madisson and Kelsey packing for their big New York City trip. Kelsey explains she’s used to doing high fashion, editorial modeling, so she hopes the trip lands her opportunities in that direction and not commercial modeling. I didn’t even know there were was a difference, so I guess that was my something new to learn for the day.
Kelsey left school to model and has no clue what she will do if it doesn’t work out because she doesn’t want to bartend forever. This outlook has me feeling hopeful for her, and I would like to thank MTV for making an episode that is focused on almost everyone’s career.
Madisson says she set up one interview with an engineering firm and hesitantly says Brandon is being supportive but more to come on that later.
We flash back to Carson and Brandon who are doing nothing notable. You should only care about how cute Carson looks in his jean jacket and repeat the phrase “don’t get lost in the sauce.” I’m not entirely sure what it means but it’s ridiculous, and I’m going to keep saying it.
Alright, folks, stay with me and don’t get lost in the sauce.
Next we have another meal in which Hannah tells Juliette how dumb it is to get back together with Alex. This week’s zinger is “he’s one of those guys who doesn’t grow up until he’s 40,” and I think we all need a mini Hannah to carry in our pockets to spit the truth at us when boys are being dumb and we’re blind to it.
Juliette says some words that don’t matter and then explains that Garrett is a “really good guy, but I’m not going to put all my marbles in one basket,” and I think she’s all sorts of confused and has actually lost all her marbles.
Finally, Kelsey and Madisson make it off the island and land in New York.
*Cue 1989-era T-Swift playing in the background welcoming us to the promised land*
They check out their hotel room, which has a hot tub, and Kelsey exclaims she is done with hot tubs because that is SO Siesta Key and she is SO over it.
Kelsey, who is our queen narrator this evening, tells us that this could be the beginning of a new chapter, and I have never hoped for anything more.
After a quick commercial break, Kelsey meets with her first modeling agency which, to be honest, employs harsh people. Shoutout to all the models who take these kind of criticisms about their bodies every single day. You all deserve a cupcake.
Kelsey tells them she wants to be doing runway and high fashion, and one of the men LAUGHS. I’m sure MTV edited and changed things around, but come on, that’s rude.
This same rude man then starts a sentence with “this might be politically incorrect,” and I think that is the same as starting a sentence with “no offense” because honestly, it will be politically incorrect and it will be offensive if you have to give out that disclaimer first, so just stop talking.
The meeting doesn’t end well, and honestly, I feel for Kelsey. I applaud her for making a comeback and wish it was working out for her.
Back on Siesta Key, Juliette alerts Garrett that she’s in town and they meet on the beach because we all know there are no other meeting spots in this town.
As Juliette officially ends things with Garret she says she wants no hard feelings and Garrett tells her off by saying there will be no feelings at all. Boom. Clap. He’s done being the nice guy.
We fly back to New York where Madisson is heading to her interview IN SHORTS. This is not Florida, so it can’t be THAT hot, and I don’t think shorts are acceptable to wear to any professional job interview, so this is off to a bad start.
Madisson explains she has no experience in engineering because she spent all her free time traveling instead of doing internships, and now we don’t feel bad for her. Clearly, this interview doesn’t go well for Madisson so she calls her loving and supportive (selfish) boyfriend Brandon who cannot talk because he “has to get back to sound check,” and I wish I could punch him for not caring about anyone but himself and his dying music career. Actually, it can’t be dying if it never came to life, so I take that part back.
Now we have Juliette visiting Alex on his boat, and she tells Alex she is only doing this if he is 100% committed. He says, duh, and then like all 13-year-olds asks if this means they are official.
I’d like to make a side note in saying that Chloe has yet to show up in this episode, so someone should be checking her Snapchat map more often to check her whereabouts.
Back in the Empire State, Kelsey is doing some modeling things that aren’t going how she would like them to and it’s recommended she dye her hair. I think she should just dye it purple and say “See Ya!” to all these haters.
Over at “Brandon’s recording studio,” which is not real because there is no way he could buy a studio, Brandon is talking to Canvas and reading some of her lyrics. He is smart enough to realize she’s been through some tough stuff, and she explains she grew up living in hotel lobbies and cars and has been taking care of herself since she was 16.
Brandon tries to relate but comes up short-handed when he says something along the lines of “I feel the same, but I’ve lived an easy going life.” Brandon, your empathy is astounding. I mean, really, dude.
Then Canvas explains if she were his girlfriend she would definitely be at his show, but I’M SORRY, MADISSON IS OFF TRYING TO ADVANCE HER CAREER TOO. It’s not like she’s skipping her show to have a wine night with the girls.
Let’s do some bullet points because I think we’re all tired:
- Kelsey and Madisson go out and some guy named Jason thinks Madisson should be a model.
- Kelsey visits another agency, Wilhelmina (which is based in Miami so this sounds promising), and is told she is not the same girl that is in her old modeling shots and should consider the commercial route.
- Juliette and her mom go shopping and her mom asks Juliette if she’s ever thought about being single for awhile. She ends that by saying “power to the woman,” and we all raise a glass to her.
- Kelsey and Madisson go out again and Jason asks if Madisson has tried modeling yet. They continue to flirt.
Back in the holy land of Siesta, the night of Brandon’s show has arrived but who cares about that because PAULY AND PAIGE MAKE OUT. Yes, you read that correctly. Pauly, wannabe rapper, and Paige, Madisson’s sweet, usually insightful sister, are playing tonsil hockey.
I threw up a little.
Okay, here are more bullets:
Brandon performs shirtless for no reason, but I literally blinked and missed his performance that’s how short it was.
- Chloe finally makes a brief appearance to take some shots.
- Madisson tells Jason she “can’t do this” when he tries to kiss her and leaves to call Brandon, but he doesn't answer because he's too busy being a can of flaming garbage.
- Brandon leaves his show with some girl who is 800% not Madisson. It’s also not Canvas.
- Canvas is mad and says it’s because of the girl’s boobs because I mean, why would this be Brandon’s fault? Clearly it’s another girl’s boobs fault. Brandon could never do any wrong.
- Alex and Juliette cuddle on the king’s couch.
- Kelsey and Madisson have a casual, not staged at all, conversation wrapping up their trip that tells us what we already know: it didn’t go as planned for either of them.
If you just skipped to the bottom or are actually still reading, here’s a summary:
Brandon indeed got lost in the sauce, Garrett is done being Mr. Nice Guy, Alex’s mouth should be re-wired shut and Kelsey and Madisson did something brave and tried to advance their careers. This episode seemed to be about girl power, and it was a bit refreshing, albeit ridiculous as always.