APRIL FOOL: Instead of 'no build' option, state pursues 'no bridge' option

The Longboat Pass Bridge on the north end is falling down, falling down. And, rather than replace it with another drawbridge or an 80-foot fixed span bridge, the state has decided to let it.

On April 1, 2027, the drawbridge will be removed after a joint effort between the state, town and private boat charter company reaches the final approval stages. The collaborative initiative is called “Keep Longboat Longboat” and its goal is to set the island back to the way it was. Way back.

“Those who make Longboat Key their home have made it quite clear. They are interested in preserving the way the Key was," state transit director Leavea Gap said. "They're not interested in building bridges, so we decided to give them what they want: nothing. You know that 'let them' theory? We're going to 'let them' figure out how to cross the pass without it." 

In lieu of a bridge, John Ponce, owner of Longboat Cosplay Charters, has stepped forward with an alternative solution. 

Ponce's idea is to run a ferry service headquartered at Coquina Beach to transport people to and from the Key. Longboat Cosplay Charters' boats are modeled after the longboats Spanish settlers once used when discovering Longboat Key in the 1500s. They fit 18 people per boat, and will require them to row across the Longboat Pass to arrive at a dock to be built next to the Land's End dock for the purpose. 

“With our idea, we will be educating and paying tribute to Longboat's roots every day," said Ponce. "Our ferry service also serves as a history lesson. The boat captain will be on the bow steering while sharing stories about the early days of Longboat Key. The guests row themselves, keeping Longboaters in shape while they enjoy the weather outside.”

Ponce's roots on the Gulf Coast go back hundreds of years, which may or may not have come in handy during his efforts in Tallahassee lobbying for the removal of the bridge. Ponce, who made his fortune through his one-of-a-kind boat charter company, is working with town leaders to secure grants to remove the drawbridge and has pledged $3.6 million toward the dock construction and any infrastructure needed to get his ferry service rowing. 

Gap said removing the old bridge made sense after recent community meetings.

“We were in the very initial stages of plans to replace the north-end bridge, and it was clear that no matter what we did, nobody would be happy,” Gap said. “We proposed a fixed span bridge, and residents didn’t like the way it looked. If we made it shorter, boaters would be stuck. And building a drawbridge? In the 21st century? Forget it. So we said, ‘You know what? Fine. No bridge. What do we care? Again: Let them.’”

Removing the bridge is also the most cost effective path forward. The aging drawbridge would need either tens of millions of dollars in maintenance to continue operating, or a hundred million dollar investment to replace it with a new bridge. 

“The state has a surplus of dynamite in a Bradenton warehouse about to expire,” Gap said. “Leaving the bridge intact and letting TNT go unused would not only be boring, but fiscally irresponsible.”

Town leaders say the annual survey residents recently completed changed their mind in favor of removing the drawbridge.

“95% of respondents said traffic was the biggest issue facing the town,” said town data analyst Laurie Greenspin. “We’ve seen that same complaint year after year. But we also figure, if you don't let them drive on, they don't need to drive off."

The island from the north will now be accessible for free only to those who pay Longboat property taxes. After all, it is the town’s greatest revenue source. The property tax managers of both counties will be issuing identification cards for all property taxpayers in Longboat Key town limits. Those cards will serve as a voucher to use the ferry free of charge.

For non-residents (or those behind on their property taxes), ferry service will cost $50 per ticket, plus a tip for the captain, if passengers should so choose.

A small price to pay for paradise.

Happy April Fools’ Day from the Observer! This story is not real news. Hope you’re as relieved as we are!