APRIL FOOL: Longboat plans arches of its own

Citing a legal opinion from the Florida Attorney General’s office, not only has the town dropped objections to ornamental archways, it’s also planned a pair of its own.

At the request of the town earlier this year, a legal opinion on the topic of development rights, local vs. state jurisdiction over riparian enforcement and other considerations was sought. Though sealed, the opinion led Longboat Key leaders to allow every commercial property on the island to erect one archway, suitable for weddings, Instagram posts, miniature golf courses or “other uses.’’

Immediately after the announcement, the town also published a press release saying construction on a pair of stainless steel “Welcome to Longboat Key’’ archways would be constructed on Gulf of Mexico Drive. Funding, the release said, would be paid by a “well-financed resort operator.’’

The 13-foot high archways are expected to be finished as the summer begins.

“The height will be adequate for Longboat Key residents, their visitors and normal delivery vehicles to pass under,’’ the release said, adding Florida Department of Transportation routinely notifies trucking companies of potential low-clearance issues.

Ralph Kramden, president of the National Association of Car-Hauling Organizations (NACHO), said a standard car hauler is about 14 feet high, and that a restraint-of-trade objection will be filed.

“That’s NACHO problem,’’ a town spokeswoman said, adding responsibility will now fall on residents to pick up their delivered vehicles “off-island.”

“From there, they’re welcome to join us on Longboat Key.’’

Happy April Fools’ Day from the Observer! This story is not real news. Hope you’re as relieved as we are!