APRIL FOOL: Fracking planned beneath Bobby Jones Golf Club

A recent surprise discovery of a natural gas reserve deep beneath Bobby Jones Golf Club has prompted the city of Sarasota to contract an oil and gas exploration and extraction company to begin operations there by staging a fracking operation nearby.

Finding the field during the recent restoration of the city-owned golf course, the discovery was kept under wraps for more than two years. However, because of recent budgetary challenges brought by hurricane recovery expenses and the rising cost of building a permanent clubhouse at Bobby Jones, the city has decided to move ahead with extraction and sale of the gas in order to raise needed revenue.

The process will not affect operations of the golf course, however, as the fracking rig will be set up in the adjacent nature park. There, the well will be drilled hundreds of feet beneath the surface, then turned horizontally to tap into the reserve rather than being drilled vertically in the area of the No. 10 fairway.

“It is a golf course after all,” said Florida Oil Exploration (FOE) President and CEO N. Ron Sinclair. “The golf course generates revenue for the city, meanwhile the nature park just sits there. The rig operation won’t cover the whole nature park, though, just most of it.”

The fracking will be a financial boon for the city. Revenues generated from the extraction operation will not only fully restore the city’s depleted fund balance, but also supply capital to build the long-delayed clubhouse, which has been gradually whittled away in size and scope over the past three years because of the rising cost. It is also viewed as a hedge against the potential statewide elimination of property taxes. 

FOE will also advance the cost to build the Bobby Jones clubhouse, collecting repayment from the fracking proceeds. In exchange, it will build extra square footage in the building for its administrative offices.

Also known as hydraulic fracturing, fracking involves drilling vertical and horizontal wells, followed by injecting high-pressure mixtures of water, sand and chemicals to create fractures in the rock allowing hydrocarbons to flow into the well. When the muddy liquid mixture forcefully injected into the well cracks rock, the pressure keeps the fissures open for oil or gas to escape once the pressure is released.

“Where better than the Gulf Coast to find plenty of sand?” Sinclair asked rhetorically. “We are partnering with Sarasota County to dredge Midnight Pass to finally open it permanently. The sand from the dredging will be piled up, dried and then delivered via dump truck from the south end of Siesta Key to the Bobby Jones site. 

“Everybody gets what they want. It’s a win-win," Sinclair said.

As a flood mitigation facility, the nature park will provide an ample water source for operations. Stormwater will be collected into holding tanks and used as needed.

“This eliminates the threat of flooding of the golf course and provides us with a natural, sustainable water source,” Sinclair said. 

Although the fracking activities will not directly impact the golf course, golfers may experience some effects. The forced injections of the fluid into rock deep below the surface can result in minor tremors felt at the surface.

Sinclair said the only aspect of the game fracking might impact is putting. “As a courtesy, though, we will sound an alarm for 10 seconds before each injection so golfers know to pause,” he added. 

Extracting the gas is one thing. Transporting it is another.

Once dislodged, the gas will be moved via underground pipeline to be installed along 17th Street, extending into Sarasota Bay beneath Whitaker Bayou and terminating at a new liquified natural gas facility in Ken Thompson Park on City Island. There, it will be transferred into tanks and transported via cargo vessel into the Gulf and beyond. 

“Since the city chased off a proposal to build an amusement park on City Island, this is now the highest and best use of the property,” Sinclair said. “It’s going to be a real gas.”

Happy April Fools’ Day from the Observer! This story is not real news. Hope you’re as relieved as we are!