- December 29, 2025
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It has been another wacky year for the Sarasota Police Department from a convenience store customer to attacked another because he believed he was FBI or CIA following him because he knows to much about … something … to people who just can't keep their clothes on in public for inexplicable reasons. Here is the Best of Cops Corner for 2025:
6 p.m. Jan. 3, 1400 block of First Street
Lewd and lascivious act: An employee of a retail establishment told an officer a man had made a recording or had taken photos of a 16-year-old minor inside the restroom. The victim stated he went into the restroom and was inside a stall when he looked up and saw the top portion of a cell phone pointed down toward him. He said he swatted at the phone and unsuccessfully attempted to grab it.
The victim’s mother told the officer she received a text from him asking her to come inside immediately. A witness gave a description of the peeping perpetrator, who ran out of the store after the incident. The store manager accessed security footage of the suspect, and the image disseminated to other patrol officers.
The victim and mother informed officers they were not from the area and did not wish to pursue charges.
1 p.m. Jan. 4, 1700 block of South Tamiami Trail
Family dispute: Having recently been released from prison, a man only wanted to visit his ill infant daughter at Sarasota Memorial Hospital, but the baby mama’s mama and her boyfriend objected, resulting in a verbal altercation in the lobby.
An officer met with the father, whose demeanor was very calm while advising he had recently been released from custody for burglary and was on probation. He said that he was just visiting his daughter, but his girlfriend's mother and he do not get along.
The officer advised that, given the situation, it would be best for the father and grandmother to arrange a schedule to visit the patient at different times.
While explaining the solution to the embattled grandmother and her boyfriend, she continued to talk over the officer, displaying a “bad attitude, at which point I changed my mind seeing they seemed to be the source of the conflict,” the officer wrote.
Given the unsuccessful attempt at diplomacy, the officer informed the pair they would have to leave the hospital because of their behavior and return at another time. The officer attempted to provide the grandmother with a business card and case number, but she refused to take it.
8:30 p.m. Jan. 10, intersection of Main Street and Lemon Avenue
Disturbance: While on routine foot patrol, officers happened upon a nattily dressed “young man wearing a pink sideways hat, pink shorts and a white T-shirt,” as described in the incident report. He was carrying a green bottle and walking unsteadily.
“Based on my training and experience, I believed this green bottle to be an alcoholic beverage. Also based on the male’s actions, I believed him to be intoxicated,” an officer wrote.
The subject was advised that he was in violation of the city’s open container law as well as obstruction of pedestrian traffic flow. Meanwhile, another unidentified male began recording the encounter, yelling that they did nothing wrong and informing the officers that they were ignorant. It was believed the subjects were streaming on a recently canceled and soon resurrected social media platform and that they were attempting to elicit a reaction from the officers for the delight and entertainment of their audience.
The subjects claimed the contents of the bottle were non-alcoholic and were being disorderly despite families and children in the area. The officers exercised discretion regarding the open container issue even though the bottle-holding, pink-clad subject refused to allow officers to examine it.
Because the subjects continued filming and causing more of an issue over continuing with the investigation, the filed report was for informational purposes only, and no further action was taken and the subjects not identified. Later, a 911 call regarding the same individuals continuing the pursuit of their film careers at Payne Park.
10:55 a.m. Jan. 18, 1500 block of Main Street
Disturbance: Disrupting a women’s march in downtown, a observed shirtless man was throwing items, yelling and, naturally, carrying an open can of Four Loko, a fortified alcoholic beverage. Officers spotted the subject walking along the street and yelling at leaders of a demonstration on the sidewalk. Officers recognized his hostile intent toward the group, as evidenced by him reported as throwing tables.
After being transported to Sarasota County Jail without being prompted, the man began asking why there was a large crowd and if law enforcement was going to do anything about the march. He added his intended actions were to "start a revolution,” according to the incident report.
Having been observed as being intoxicated, carrying an open container, slurred speech, flushed red skin, endangering public safety, etc., probable cause existed to charge the revolutionary with disorderly intoxication.
7:59 p.m. Jan. 24, 3900 block of Overlook Bend Terrace
Harassment: In a case of unrequited passion, the complainant told an officer that, four days earlier, a nearby resident knocked on the door of his villa and invited him, in not so many words, to engage in coital activities.
Not inclined to obtain carnal knowledge of the subject, the man diplomatically declined by saying he was on his way to a doctor’s appointment.
Undeterred by the complainant's rejection, the subject was waiting for him as he returned home, approached him and attached his open hand to his posterior, perhaps in hopes the romantic gesture would render the complainant captive to his charms. There were no further details of that specific encounter. The next day, the complainant said the man left a note on his door that read, “What about 7 o'clock tonight?”
Then that Friday, the complainant said he was leaving with his mother-in-law when he saw the subject waving for him to come over, which he ignored.
The complainant said there had been no threats of violence from the man, but he just wanted him to cease and desist. He advised he plans to obtain a restraining order against the man but does not wish to prosecute.
10:56 p.m. Feb. 8, 1300 block of Main Street
Dispute: Dispatched officers went to a downtown restaurant after a call by a staff member who was concerned about the safety of a female customer. Upon arriving, an officer reported observing a woman wearing a black baseball cap, which appeared to be an effort to conceal a black eye resulting from a prior incident. Refusing to provide information, she stated she was fine and did not understand why law enforcement was present.
The woman mentioned that the man she was with at the restaurant was withholding her phone, which was located in their hotel room, adding that she had just met him on a “date" earlier that night. Why a hotel, one not noted for inexpensive hourly rates, was involved on a first date is not noted. She said she suffered the black eye by slipping in the hotel room’s bathtub.
The officer then spoke with her male companion, who claimed he was only friends with the woman — who never provided her identity — and that he knew nothing about her black eye. At that point, he became “disgruntled” with the officers, according to the incident report, was uncooperative and refused to provide further information. He also appeared, the report, notes, to be intoxicated.
With the lack of mutual cooperation and no helpful evidence to explore, no further action was taken. The man never disclosed why or how he withheld the woman’s phone in the hotel room.
11:25 a.m. Feb. 25, 3100 block of Saralake Drive
Dispute: A resident tried to take the law into his own hands and admonish a door repairman whom he believed was speeding through the neighborhood. Driving up in his golf cart, the man first took photos of the man’s truck and then attempted to scold him for speeding.
Frustrated after being ignored, he put his golf cart in reverse and, in demolition derby fashion, rammed the front bumper of his truck, and according to the incident report description, caused a minor scrape. As he attempted to drive away, the workman attempted to stop him, causing the cart to strike him, resulting in a scratch on his arm and breaking a portion of the golf cart windshield.
Cooler heads eventually prevailed, and the neighborhood watchman apologized and agreed to pay the man in cash for the damage to his truck. Both requested the incident to be documented and no further action taken.
6:39 p.m. March 2, 1200 block of North Palm Avenue
Disturbance: Responding to a miscellaneous call for service, an officer made contact with a man at the Art Ovation Hotel who explained that five hours earlier his girlfriend had left him at the hotel. He said nothing had happened and was not sure why she left, adding he wanted to return home to Fort Pierce and did not want to stay in the hotel for the night.
The man later revealed his girlfriend was upset with him for something that occurred earlier at the hotel pool “involving other females,” according to the report, but denied anything had happened. He then told officers he wanted them to find his girlfriend and arrest her for DUI, alleging she was driving after drinking. Quickly pivoting to his desire for reconciliation, he then said he was hopeful she would return to the hotel to be with him for the night.
The woman was not located and whether she returned to the hotel later was not in the incident report.
9:43 p.m. March 3, 1000 Boulevard of the Arts
Disturbance: Responding officers arrived at the Hyatt Regency Hotel where they contacted a woman locked outside of her room. She advised an argument had ensued with her boyfriend just 30 minutes prior, and both had separated for the night.
Once the hotel staff provided access to the room, officers observed glass from a picture frame on the wall shattered on the floor. Food that appeared to be thrown was also stuck on the walls of the room. The woman stated she and the man were arguing over her parents being in town and his boat, which was docked at the hotel’s pier, being dirty. The report didn't say whether the woman’s parents were responsible for the soiled condition of the boat.
An officer received the man’s cell phone number from the woman and, when contacted, said he was no longer at the hotel and was on foot several blocks away. The officer inquired about the broken glass on the floor, which he blamed the woman. He added he would not return to the hotel and he would be taking his boat home to Saint Petersburg.
Advised of this, the woman packed her belongings and hailed a ride to take her back home, also in St. Petersburg. She said they do not share a residence and she would be safe at her home.
12:08 p.m. March 8, 2000 block of Adams Lane
Lewd and lascivious act: A complainant advised an officer that there were two males in Laurel Park engaged in intimate acts and exposing themselves to the public. The officer spoke with the amorous couple, and both of them admitted they were “being touchy” with each other. The officer then advised them it was improper decorum to engage in such conduct outdoors within view of the public.
As for the exposure, it did not appear it was being directed toward, but perhaps was in view of, the public.
The officer issued trespassing warnings from the park to both. No further action was taken.
12:25 a.m. March 14, intersection of Man Street and North Pineapple Avenue
Disturbance: Officers responded to a report of a man and woman involved in a physical altercation. The male said he and the woman, whom he said is a platonic friend, had spent the evening at a popular downtown lounge and that they were on their way to his hotel nearby. Multiple witnesses had observed an interaction between the pair that caused them to be fearful for her safety and prompted them to call law enforcement.
Officers separated the two and took their statements, each indicating the two were in close contact with each other and he pulled her hair because, “She likes it,” he said. The woman, described in the incident report as wearing a “very short skirt” gave a matching statement.
At that, there was no further action, and the pair were sent on their way to further foray in their follicle folly.
3:58 p.m. March 20, 2700 block of Gillespie Avenue
Disturbance: A report says two women were standing outside of a church building smoking crack and being violent toward passersby. As it turns out, it was one sister behaving badly and the other attempting to stop her.
One of the two responding officers noted the subject turning away from them as they arrived, attempting to conceal something within that most coveted of vessels, a purple Crown Royal bag.
The woman was speaking incoherently and moving about in an “abnormal ways,” according to the incident report, and the officer observed a white, chalky substance around her mouth. Suspicion is it is not a result of legal consumption of a powdered doughnut.
The other woman said she was driving past when she observed her sister lying on and rolling about the ground. Becoming agitated at her sister’s sense of family duty, the subject began yelling at her while using a lighter to light the end of a crack pot and began smoking. That’s when the concerned sister called SPD for assistance.
When interviewed, the subject advised she "takes an abundance of prescribed drugs and smokes spice,” the report reads.
The officer searched the Crown Royal bag, finding a plastic pipe, a shredded steel wool pad, metal push rod, burned socket head and a small plastic bag containing a reddish/green leafy substance. A female officer arrived on the scene to search the subject’s person, where another concealed bag containing a similar leafy substance was within the woman’s foundation garment.
After being assisted into the officer’s vehicle, the subject began to kick the rear door and window, causing the top of the door to bend, an action that added a charge to possession of a controlled substance.
12:23 a.m. March 30, 1500 block of Main Street
Disturbance: In this after-midnight, alcohol-induced disturbance at one of Main Street’s popular pubs, someone flagged down officers for a possible battery between an employee and a female customer.
The bouncer said the woman, who after being ejected from the premises because of her high level of intoxication and resulting behavior, had returned and, in the course of removing her a second time, punched him in the face. This occurred after he noticed her sneaking back inside and, after refusing to leave he “grabbed” her to escort her to the door. Asked to demonstrate the how he grabbed the woman, it was determined to be a simple escort by the arm.
Once reaching the door, the employee said the woman, fueled by liquid courage, got up in his face and said, “Do not touch me or I will punch you,” making good on the threat by punching him in the face. He stated he did not wish to press charges against the woman, but wanted her trespassed from the property.
The woman, naturally, said the bouncer “came after her and kicked her out for the bar for no reason,” according to the incident report, and that she re-entered to gather her friends who, possibly in a demonstration of sound judgment, remained inside. She said the bouncer choked her while inside, then changed her story that he escorted her to the door and then choked her and that she punched him in self-defense. After being told the man escorted her to the door in a lawful manner, she changed her story again, stating she punched him anyway for “putting his hands on her.”
After being advised the man did not wish to press charges for battery, the subject was told she was being issued a trespassing warning and was free to leave the scene. Whether her companions left with her was not in the incident report.
6 p.m. April 7, 4800 block of Sun Circle
Disturbance: After a motorist yelled at her and shouted profanities while walking her dog, a woman told a responding officer she was near the intersection of Sapphire Drive and Bayshore Road when she witnessed a vehicle speeding toward her.
As the vehicle approached, she said she gestured to the driver to slow down. Declining to heed her advice, the driver, she said, began yelling at her as she continued to drive toward Sapphire Shores Park.
The complainant said she is familiar with the driver, a local yoga instructor whom she witnessed exit the vehicle before beginning a yoga class in the park. She told the officer this was not the first time the unyielding yogi has sped through the neighborhood and wishes to have a more visible police presence in the area.
12:53 a.m. April 20, 1500 block of State Street
Dispute: A reported battery by a third-party caller turned out to be a sibling argument. Upon arrival, one subject explained there had been an argument between himself and his brother over who would be driving his Porsche, presumably neither in optimal condition to operate a high-performance vehicle safely.
He indicated the incident was verbal and no physical altercation had occurred, and he was going to order an Uber and go home. The other brother confirmed the argument was over a trivial matter, and he, too, was going to order his own ride home. The fate of the Porsche, nor why neither brother drove it home, was not on the incident report.
10:10 a.m. April 23, 1100 block of North Tuttle Avenue
Disturbance: A convenience store cashier reported a fight — in the most loose possible terms — between herself and two customers. There were no injuries suffered by either party, as projectiles launched at each other during the incident at worst may have resulted in a paper cut.
During an unspecified dispute over a fuel pump, the cashier, for unexplained reasons, threw money toward the customers. The battle then quickly escalated into an exchange of weaponry as all three parties then shoved napkins across the counter toward each other. The cashier then swung toward one of the unknown parties, at which time one customer threw bananas at the cashier. The barrage ended as the two subjects exited, followed by the cashier; the three bumping into each other before one of them shoved the cashier while outside of the store.
The store’s security cameras, which provided no footage outside, captured the incident. The two subjects had left the property in a black Ford Bronco with an out-of-state license plate by the time law enforcement arrived. The classified incident is mutual combat, and the subject may be issued trespassing warnings should they return.
6:32 p.m. April 27, 1800 block of Lincoln Drive
Burglary of an unoccupied structure: A report states males were in the backyard of a home inexplicably hitting golf balls, not only into the Hudson Bayou but also at the back of the house, causing damage. As an officer arrived on the scene, one subject jumped a fence into a neighboring property and fled the area, leaving his companion to take the rap himself. The subject identified his fellow duffer as someone with the first name “Harry” — which may or may not have been accurate — who was not located.
Damage to the rear of the home — which appears as a potential teardown between two newer, considerably larger homes — included a broken sliding glass door, two or more broken vases and several tears in the back porch screen.
The subject stated they were hitting golf balls into the canal behind the home and into the house. They then entered the screen porch and hit rocks and balls at the glass door and, once broken, entered the home. Each of them grabbed a vase and smashing them on the porch floor.
This isn’t the first time the two had been at the property, but the damage, the subject said, was from this visit. The home is uninhabited and is currently up for sale. The officer was unable to contact the victim, listed as a limited liability corporation.
The subjects may have been juveniles as an adult man was called to take the offender, a redacted name, into his own custody. The case went to the State Attorney’s office for further review.
May 3, 1800 block of Irving Street
Dispute: Officers responded to a residence under construction where three former employees of a construction site were threatening the complainant and possibly damaging the property.
The three subjects were at the rear of the property and the complainant was called by phone who advised he was responsible for the interior build out of the home and had fired the three men because they failed to show up for work after their first day, but still demanded to be paid. The men called the complainant, threatening to shoot him and sending a photo of one holding a hammer near drywall, which was perceived as a threat to cause damage.
There was a small dent in the drywall in a photo.
One man told an officer they completed the work one month ago and never paid, and they arrived at the site to locate the complainant to be paid. The man who called the complainant denied threatening to shoot him.
An officer contacted the property owner by phone who explained the situation and chose to not pursue charges but did request the three subjects receive trespassing warnings.
7:57 p.m. May 7, 2100 block of Main Street
Impaired person: A man caught the attention of law enforcement as he was, literally, feeling the rhythm of the night in the center of Main Street. The subject stated, to no surprise, that he had been drinking and admitted that he had “smoked something” earlier in the day.
Vehicles had to stop to avoid hitting him. The subject could not hold a coherent conversation, nor did he have anyone to care for him. For no discernible reason, he then began rolling on the ground while speaking incoherently. They put him in protective custody under the Marchman Act.
After being placed into protective custody, a search of his belongings revealed a blunt that was tested on the scene, the green leafy substance determined to be spice. In addition, a there was a small container of THC-A. They transported the man to the hospital.
10:46 p.m. May 16, Bird Key Park
Property damage: The driver of a Lexus sedan called law enforcement to report that, while driving toward St. Armands over the Ringling Bridge, four young male subjects in a Mercedes threw tennis balls at his vehicle. In addition, he said one of them threw a Red Bull can, causing a dent in the driver’s side rear door. Other items struck his vehicle, he said, one causing a scratch on the fuel refill cover.
The victim stated he did not wish to pursue charges and only requested a case report to document the incident for insurance.
Additionally, dispatch received multiple other calls around the same time regarding the same vehicle and subjects throwing tennis balls, baseballs and other items at people and vehicles, one location at St. Armand’s Circle and the other at 1304 S. Orange Ave.
The youthful ne'er-do-wells in daddy's Mercedes neglected to consider the license plate is useful in identifying the owner of the vehicle. Once officers contacted the owner, and they advised him of the activities with which his vehicle was involved, he offered to pay for the victim’s vehicle repairs. Officers contacted the victim and left a message to advise him of the update. No further action was taken.
6 p.m. June 2, 1900 block of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Way
Lewd and lascivious act: After being informed the business outside of which he was loitering was closed and asked to leave the premises, a man inexplicably responded by exposing all of himself to anyone and everyone who was in the area.
A complainant said when she told the man the business was not yet open, he became irate and a verbal altercation ensued. The man then began running back and forth along the sidewalk, yelling at multiple people, then stopped in the middle of the street, pulled down his shorts and displayed all of himself, yelling, “Call the cops!”
As the complainant complied with his request, the man ran northbound.
An officer then spoke with another victim of the mid-street striptease, who observed the man remove his shirt and throw it, followed by his shorts with intent to expose himself to him. The same officer also spoke with two juvenile victims, who confirmed the other witnesses’ accounts of the incident.
There was no video evidence available, but the grandmother of the two juvenile victims said she would be able to identify him in a lineup, presumably fully clothed. The man left his wallet behind, and they identified him, but they did not find anything after searching the area. The police forwarded the case to the Criminal Investigations Division for further investigation.
11:42 p.m. June 7, 600 block of North Washington Boulevard
Trespassing: A subject who had previously been trespassed from a convenience store had violated the order and returned. An officer located the man nearby, who confirmed he had been in the area of the store and, the report reads, “the people over there be trippin'," according to the incident report.
Convinced the man was not assisting people who had fallen down, the man did receive a notice to appear in court and told of the renewal of trespassing warning and valid for one year from this date.
4:50 a.m. June 8, 600 block of North Washington Boulevard
Trespassing: Merely five hours after being trespassed for a second time from a convenience store, the subject from the previous report was once again spotted on the premises, perhaps in search of more people "trippin’."
Officers spoke with a store employee who said the man was harassing customers and causing disturbances. This time, officers handcuffed the man and took him into custody at Sarasota County Jail, where they issued him a third trespassing warning instead of booking him, and told him that he would be subject to arrest if he returned any time within the next year.
12:39 a.m. June 9, 2300 block of Ringling Boulevard
Lewd and lascivious act: About a week prior, a woman told officers she encountered a white male subject approximately 40 to 50 years old with a white beard and tattoos on his face engaging in solitary self-gratification outside her apartment slider door. She said she did not report the incident assuming the event would be isolated.
A few days later, however, she noted the turning of a patio chair to face her bedroom window. A couple of days after that, according to the incident report, she noticed the same man near her bedroom window, once again engaging in the same lewd activity.
Finally, she called authorities on this night when she saw him yet again, likely planning to resume his one-man performative art. She attempted to confront him, but he quickly fled on a bicycle.
Now for the weird part.
The woman found items assuming were left behind by the creeper, including a water bottle, a pair of socks, what appeared to be some kind of lubricant and … a Chucky doll and Bride of Chucky doll. She told officers the subject quite alarmed her continuing to return and take matters into his own hand outside of her apartment, explaining she was certain she observed him “vigorously” working himself into a crescendo.
Efforts by officers to locate the subject in the area were unsuccessful. Officers retrieved a video clip of the subject from a nearby convenience store and distributed a photo to identify him.
1:45 p.m. July 12, 1600 block of Main Street
Disturbance: While enjoying a peaceful al-fresco lunch in downtown, a man told an officer his ex-wife drove past and, reaching out the window directed toward him the international single-finger salute, double-barrel style.
He reported that she then exited her parked vehicle, approached him on foot and began yelling at him regarding a prior incident that involved the man and her father. After a short interaction, she then left the scene heading eastbound on Main Street.
The man stated the interaction was only verbal. Officers advised the man to contact the police if she returns so they can issue a trespassing warning from the business.
1:46 a.m. Aug. 1, 1400 block of Main Street
Battery: A security guard at a downtown establishment told a responding officer he witnessed a white male subject yelling across the street at a black male and white female couple who were traversing the sidewalk. He said the white male was the instigator in the incident as he crossed the street and a fight broke out.
The black male told the officer the combatant had been harassing him and his wife, then followed them from across the street to the point of the physical conflict. He said the white male had been shouting racial slurs and was threatening the couple. His wife confirmed the account of the incident, adding that her husband was first punched in the face and he countered the blow by striking the man with, according to the incident report as a hammer.
Upon being interviewed, the white male subject said he was yelling at them because they were “junkies” and he didn’t want them around.
Burying the lead, deep in the incident report was the fact that the black male was in a wheelchair and, video surveillance provided to the officer showed, stood up from the chair and made first contact with the white male by pushing him to the ground before beating him about the head and neck with the blunt instrument.
While EMS tended to the white male’s facial lacerations, the officer watched the provided video, noting that he did not punch the black male first, contradicting the couple’s story.
The conclusion drawn that the incident was mutual combat as the white male declined to press charges for the beat down.
2:17 a.m. Aug. 17, 1500 block of Main Street
Impaired persons: Officers conducted a welfare check on two intoxicated individuals who had fallen onto the ground in front of a business not related to their condition. When on foot patrol in the area, officers observed a male lift a female over his shoulder before losing his balance and falling backward into a concrete wall.
Officers could see the woman had hit her head against the wall, initiating the welfare check. Assisting the pair into chairs, the man told officers he was the woman’s “baby daddy” and refused to permit them to administer aid. Twice, officers ordered him to back away so they could continue the welfare check while the woman fell in and out of consciousness. Observing a golf ball-sized knot on her head, EMS was called.
Baby daddy, meanwhile, became upset with officers for calling for an emergency response to the scene and attempted to refuse medical intervention on her behalf. He then tried to lift baby mama, who could not stand on her own, out of the chair before officers intervened and ordered him again to back away.
Eventually, they restrained baby daddy, and EMS arrived, advising officers to transport the woman to the hospital for treatment of her injuries. The officers placed her under the Marchman Act because her extreme intoxication prevented her from making her own decisions.
What became of baby daddy from that point is not in the incident report.
6:37 p.m. Aug. 29, 400 Benjamin Franklin Drive
Lewd and lascivious act: A man apparently so audacious about his privates that he felt he must share it with everyone had exposed himself to several people at Lido Beach before an officer arrived at the scene. Although he didn’t witness the act himself, the complainant told the officer his family had informed him of a man who was providing an unwelcome demonstration to his family. He also stated he had witnessed the subject pacing throughout the pavilion, shower area and the boardwalk leading to the beach.
Members of the witness' family described their experience with the seaside flasher. An adult woman said as the family gathered around a table in the pavilion, she saw the subject sitting and facing the family before he switched positions to straddle the bench. He then pulled up his shorts to expose himself. She said he then picked up his phone and pointed it at his peep show and then toward the family as if to record their reaction.
Interviewing other witnesses to the act found accounts of the incident to be consistent. Photographs and video captured images of the man, which was shared with police.
While on patrol the next morning, two officers spotted the subject on the beach and arrested him on charges of lewd or lascivious exhibition for intentionally exposing himself in the presence of a victim who is younger than 16, and unlawful exposure of sexual organs as he intended the exposure to be in a vulgar, indecent, lewd or lascivious manner.
7:52 p.m. Sept. 7, 1500 block of Main Street
Lewd and lascivious act: After the bar refused to serve him, a staff member of a downtown bar said an unruly patron who was “obviously drunk” pulled down his pants, exposed himself in all his glory, then bent over and treated customers and staff to a full moon shot. Upon contacting the complainant, he pointed to a man now nattily clad in salmon shorts and a multi-colored, button-down shirt, according to the incident report.
As an officer approached the subject, staff members said, “He just exposed himself to everyone.” With that probable cause, officers detained the man in handcuffs as the investigation ensued. The subject responded by screaming at officers, hurling derogatory slurs and racial epithets, and just generally making a now fully clothed nuisance of himself.
The complainant explained he entered the bar behaving belligerently and requested an alcoholic beverage. He became irate after being refused service and asked to vacate the premises. While being escorted to the door, he dropped his pants and put on the offending floor show.
The incident report reads, “The defendant did willfully and unlawfully expose himself in a public place, with no legitimate reason to do so.”
No one knows what legitimate reason may explain such behavior.
6:32 p.m. Sept. 18, 3000 block of Noble Avenue
Disturbance: A baby daddy’s young son called the man’s current girlfriend “mom” in front of his mother, causing a scene that escalated into a physical scuffle. The man, the two women and their two sons were all in the same house when the current girlfriend was helping the boys in the bathroom. That’s when the ex-girlfriend’s son called her “mom.”
That did not set well with the boy’s mother, resulting in a verbal argument that escalated into a fight.
The man in the middle of all this confirmed the sequence of events, adding that during the verbal altercation the ex-girlfriend made a statement toward the current girlfriend’s son, to which she responded by throwing a bottle of dish detergent at her, the opening salvo of what became a physical fight.
At that, the ex gathered up her son and left the scene. The officer followed up with a phone call to confirm the details of the situation.
Officers determined the incident to be a mutual fight with no probable cause to press charges, and the women agreed to avoid each other. Because of the involvement of children, however, the matter did go to the Florida Department of Children and Families.
11 a.m. Sept. 19, 200 block of North Lime Avenue
Disturbance: A man causing a disturbance at a neighborhood market told an officer that agents of the FBI and CIA are following him and are trying to kill him because “he knows too much,” according to the incident report.
The subject and depth about his intelligence gathering activities was not disclosed.
He spoke of a recent altercation with whom he believed to be a CIA informant, later identified as a customer of the store. An officer spoke with the alleged operative, who denied being an international spy and that he was simply shopping for bananas and mushrooms during the prior confrontation. He had returned to the same location to do more shopping when the subject entered the store and attempted to kick him.
The proprietor requested the subject be trespassed from the location. They also placed him under the Baker Act and transported him to Sarasota Memorial Hospital, free to continue his undercover operation.
2:34 a.m. Oct. 4, 2500 block of South Tamiami Trail
Battery: Upon arrival to the scene of an alleged battery, a victim who stated an unknown diminutive cowboy for no reason beat him, flagged an officer. EMS transported the man to the hospital after he requested it.
Prior to going to the hospital to take the man’s statement, the officer met with the bar manager and two security guards who stated after they had emptied the establishment of patrons there was a knock on the door and were told there was a fight occurring outside. After separating the two, the alleged assailant left the scene, and the victim, who remained behind, noted the other combatant claimed he owed him $50.
At the hospital, the victim wove a meandering tale, claiming the subject sucker punched him, rendering him briefly unconscious before he fought back by grabbing him by his testicles, which he repeated several times to medical staff prior to the officer’s arrival. He then changed his statement, saying he was only able to grab the combatant’s collar, then eventually became angry as his ever-evolving story led to skepticism.
Eventually, the man said he would no longer answer the officer’s questions. He described the alleged assailant as a 5-foot, 4-inch white male wearing “cowboy clothing” and that he would be able to identify him in a lineup because he “memorized his eyeballs,” according to the incident report.
The man did suffer multiple visible injuries. The bar manager advised there are security cameras covering the parking lot, but he did not have immediate access to the video.
3:37 p.m. Oct. 20, 1900 block of Main Street
Harassment: A female attorney who advised an officer she posts ads for her services on Craigslist complained of inappropriate text messages.
She advised she received text on Oct. 10 and again on Oct. 15 from an unknown person, asking if she would take their case. Then on Oct. 20 she received a message from the same unknown party that detailed his carnal prowess, describing his technique in an ill-fated attempt to elicit a swoon. Then on Oct. 21, perhaps coming to the realization that the complainant is, in fact, an attorney with unfettered access to the legal process, the same person texted with an apology.\
As any good attorney would do, she preserved the evidence and provided copies of the messages to the officer. The officer did not take any further action at this time and placed the messages into evidence.
11:55 a.m. Oct. 30, 400 Benjamin Frankin Blvd.
Suspicious person: It began as something out of an old adult magazine letter forum describing the setup of an intimate encounter.
“Dear (name for a top floor apartment),” it might have read. “While working as a lifeguard a hunky, debonaire guy approached me about a jellyfish sting and asked me to administer treatment to his groin area ….”
Only at 5-foot-3, 210 pounds, the man was likely not “hunky,” nor suave. He did, however, approach the female lifeguard and, once reaching the first aid room, described the location of the alleged sting and, while attempting to expose himself, requested she administer the treatment personally.
Quick to catch on to the ploy, the lifeguard told the man he must administer the spray himself, then reported the incident to a superior who advised he had heard of such incidents at other area beaches during the past year perpetrated by a similarly described individual.
The supervisor informed the lifeguards about the incidents and told them to contact law enforcement if another attempt occurred and to try to photograph the subject if possible.
12:24 a.m. Nov. 1, 1400 block of Main Street
Disturbance: At the end of a night of Halloween festivities, one officer was controlling a female subject as another stood nearby to monitor a forming crowd. Once the scene settled to a degree, the standby officer spoke with a different female subject who advised that her friend — presumably the woman being temporarily detained — and "random bitches" hit her.
The subject was unable to describe the other women involved, declined medical attention and refused to make a report. Speaking with the employee of the business who called for law enforcement, the officer was told the reason for the call was because of multiple females causing a disturbance.
He deftly described one female as “of a larger build” and dressed as “Velma,” presumably of the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine gang. The complainant was unable to describe any of the other subjects and advised they had all left the premises. There was no word on whether Daphne was involved in the scrappy incident.
The incident report did not detail any further action taken in the matter.
