Lakewood Ranch author writes about blazing path through childhood trauma

Now 50 years old, Lakewood Ranch resident Arelis Calkins thought back to a time when she was 14, living in La Romana in the Dominican Republic. She remembered the screams of people in her neighborhood, “He's going to kill him, he's going to kill him!” 

They were talking about a 34-year-old man, Felix, who had been stalking Calkins. Felix, who had a machete, was looking for Calkins' boyfriend, 18-year-old Benedito.

Benedito had a knife himself, as he wanted to protect Calkins. Benedito eventually confronted and killed Felix, then disappeared, never to see his girlfriend again.

It is just one of the major traumas Calkins endured in the early part of her life. She tells the story in detail in her new, self-published book, "Rising Above Adversity: Healing and Nurturing your Inner Child.”

Calkins said the book explores the impact of childhood trauma on adult life and how early experiences can shape a person's behavior, relationships and well-being. She talks about the impacts while documenting her own experiences. She writes about the importance of understanding the past in order to navigate the present and future.

Calkins said she grew up “dirt poor,” in a home with no electricity, no running water and many times, no food. By candlelight, she found her passion in writing.

She wrote "Rising Above Adversity" entirely by hand and she is holding on to the manuscript as a keepsake. She calls it "an unedited version of her thoughts."

Photo by Madison Bierl

Although it is her first published book, she has been writing since she was a child, through journaling and recipes. 

“It took me about two years and two months to finish writing (Rising Above Adversity) because it's such a real life story,” Calkins said. “It's my entire life story, starting from my mother's womb all the way up until five months ago, when it was published.” 

Calkins had a difficult relationship with her mother, who nearly decided to abort her because she already had seven children. Calkins said she was abused child who almost was given away at 7 years old.

She said she was so abused on a regular basis that she didn't understand if she was being loved or abused. She said she has come to an understanding of the situation over the years.

When she first started to write her life story, Calkins said she initially wanted to write anonymously, But self-healing eventually allowed her to no longer be embarrassed about up upbringing. She became willing to speak her mind.

"I needed to become a survivor," she said, noting that feeling like a victim wasn't serving any purpose.

Calkins advises it is important to embrace and break through trauma, so you don't turn to drugs, alcohol or other unhealthy coping mechanisms. She said she came to the realization that she didn't have to remain in a bad emotional place.

“It's so amazing to see the birds flying and the sea,” Calkins said. “I don't care what it is, it's just beautiful to be alive.”

She studied psychology in the Dominican Republic and moved to the United States in 2000. Her studies weren't accredited in the U.S. and when she arrived here, she didn't speak English. She used her psychology lessons in her personal life, and tried to help people she has met along the way.

“It's very important for us to understand what happened to us in life so we know how to go about treating ourselves and others,” she said. 

Calkins said that unprompted, people have shared their life stories with her because she has a way of making people feel comfortable. She said not long ago she went for a hair appointment that ended up lasting 2 1/2 hours.

Photo by Madison Bierl

“I was there to give a little wisdom if I had it at the moment,” Calkins said. “Sometimes (the hairdresser) got me emotional, I was teary-eyed.”

In 2023, Arelis married David Calkins, who also acts as her manager by handling emails and phone calls, and planning events. 

David Calkins said he had his own childhood traumas that were still affecting him.

"After reading ('Rising Above Adversity') over and over, I started healing certain things and learning how to forgive certain things from my past,” David Calkins said. 

Arelis and David now are co-writing a book about relationships.

“We need to learn how to have the connection between the mind and the heart, because sometimes we're walking around making decisions with just our minds or just our hearts,” Arelis Calkins said. “We don't take the time to connect the two, so we get into wrong relationships.”

Arelis Calkins has other projects on the horizon as well.

“I've been writing a cookbook my entire life without knowing,” Arelis Calkins said. “I've already had it written.” 

David Calkins said it would be impossible to know his wife had to overcome many childhood traumas.

“She’s definitely the happiest person I've ever met in my life, and it's contagious,” David Calkins said. “Life is too short to be miserable.”