O, hai.Now that we’ve gotten that abhorrent lolcat speak out of our systems, allow me to introduce myself as This Week in Sarasota’s very first feline contributor. My name is Margot the Catty Kitty, although for the sake of brevity I do answer to simply “Margot”---when I deign to answer to any name at all, that is.
As the loyal feline companion to a certain quirky spinster who happens to be on staff at TWIS (and no, I’m not talking about the lovely Blonde Out of Water---she has far too much pizzazz and too many men falling at her feet to be deemed a spinster), I have had the opportunity to sit in on several editorial staff meetings and proofread some articles. As a result, I just can’t help but notice that this group of humans has a little trouble with that which comes so naturally to me: being catty.
They’re all, “Oh, let us tell you about this terrific restaurant,” and, “Look how much fun we’re having at all these concerts and art exhibitions,” and I can’t help but think: Don’t these people ever take off their rose-colored glasses?
Now, please don’t mistake me for a spoilsport. Despite the fact that most of the restaurants the TWIS team frequents have a strong "No Cats" policy---due, no doubt, to my species' propensity for shedding and licking ourselves in public---I consider myself quite the gourmand, as I recognize that there are few culinary delights finer than a scoop of canned tuna or a dead spider. I also know how to have fun: I love nothing more than rolling around in a pile of catnip and chasing the laser pointer, if you know what I mean ... But life can’t be all fun and games, now, can it?
Perhaps it’s because I’m disarmingly cute and fuzzy, or maybe they’re appeasing me because I signed a contractual agreement to stop hocking up hairballs on their iPads in exchange for a soapbox of my own, but the folks over at TWIS have agreed to let me write my own column.Yes, things are about to get a little bit catty over here at This Week in Sarasota.
Admittedly, I rarely get tired of having my head scratched---especially in that spot right behind my ear---but I can’t be the only one in this town left scratching my own head way too often and wondering, What the hell are you thinking, Sarasota? I know you all find yourselves thinking the same thing every now and then, too. I’m even willing to bet that my new colleagues here at TWIS are thinking it, but those plucky do-gooders are just too nice to say anything. That is about to change.
Right now I’m working on my first real piece about a topic that’s had folks up in arms for months now. Here’s a little riddle with a rather blatant hint as to what the topic is: It’s black and white and no one can seem to figure out whether or not it should be painted over. If you catch my drift and have something you want to say about it, let me know in the comments or shoot me an email at [email protected].
I may come across as aloof when I point my tail in the air and prance away without warning during casual social interactions, but I assure you that your input in this column is of the utmost importance to me. I’ll do my best to listen to everything you have to say---unless, of course, I'm napping, or if something shiny or worthy of chasing and swatting at enters my field of vision, in which case I will be temporarily unavailable for discourse.
I want to know your thoughts on all the local hot-button issues big and small, from downtown Sarasota’s off-and-on relationship with those pesky parking meters to the proposed alcohol ban on Siesta Key. Are you itching to throw a hissy fit, but afraid to sully your own reputation? Bring your grievances to me and I will be more than happy to sink my claws into them.Do me a favor and stroke my ego: “Like” the official Margot the Catty Kitty Fan Page on Facebook so that you can stay updated on my adventures through the bizarre and sometimes gripe-worthy underbelly of Sarasota. Once you’re there, be sure to leave a comment and tell me what’s on your mind. (If you’re shy, you can always send me a private message or shoot me an email.)
Let’s get catty, Sarasota!