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Marijuana clinic seeks to light up Longboat Key


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  • | 4:00 a.m. April 2, 2014
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Longboat Key residents have long sought a permanent medical center so its sickest citizens won’t have to travel off the island for care. And attorney John Morgan has urged voters in advertisements to approve an amendment legalizing medical marijuana in Florida “for the really sick people.”

Key residents’ support of the amendment and “the really sick people” has sparked a plan to bring a medical marijuana clinic to the Key, if Florida voters approve the amendment.

The Grass is Greener LLC, a Berkeley, Calif.-based company with medical marijuana clinics throughout the states of California, Colorado, Oregon and Vermont, has filed pre-application materials to build a clinic in a new Town Center at 420 Bay Isles Road.

Grass is Greener CEO Charles Toker described medical marijuana as a “budding opportunity” on Longboat Key, citing the increase in baby boomers moving to the Key. Toker said his confidence in the idea was reaffirmed during a recent trip to Longboat Key Publix, in which he recognized at least four fellow shoppers from Woodstock.

A new group has formed to support Grass is Greener’s rights to build a medical marijuana dispensary: the Longboat Key Homeowners for Inhaling and Growing Health-related Pot and Obtaining Cannabis (HIGHPOC).

HIGHPOC spokesman Dan Stoner explained that although medical marijuana advocates typically tout its potential for relieving pain and nausea, the harmless natural organic substance could also have many off-label uses on the Key: It could relieve tension at Longboat Key Town Hall meetings and allow neighbors to amicably resolve disputes about barking dogs and loud music — possibly over pizza.

But another group, Longboat Key Against the People, has formed to oppose the amendment and the Grass is Greener.

Against the People Chairman Buzz K. Iller cited the potential harms of medical marijuana on the Key. He cited the potential for drug abuse and questioned its medical value. Iller also has concerns that patients could wander into church and community potlucks in search of munchies.

Longboat Key police also have concerns.

The drug can cause paranoia, which is a major concern for Key officers, who already handle hundreds of suspicious-person calls each day. Police cite a study of resort communities with large retiree populations in Colorado that found a 60% spike in suspicious-person calls in the months after marijuana was decriminalized.

Calls about stolen purses, cars and boats — which the caller later realized he or she had misplaced — also increased 40%, a rise that Colorado officials attribute to the marijuana’s tendency to impair memory.

Although memory lapse-related calls are highly rare on Longboat Key, police expect a similar increase.
Code-enforcement officials are researching whether weed and grass height restrictions would also apply to marijuana plants, but they warn that lighting up on the beach can disorient turtles.

Firefighters, meanwhile, have concerns that medical marijuana will cause smoke detectors to ring nonstop Key-wide. They are urging the Grass is Greener to promote smoke-free medical marijuana alternatives, such as vaporizers and pot brownies.

Pot-luck paradise
It’s been four years since Longboat Key reached the No. 2 spot on Condé Nast’s top North American island destinations, and now, it has received a prestigious new ranking.

High Times magazine ranked Longboat Key No. 2 on its list of “Potluck Paradises” — a list of the top 100 nationwide destinations for potheads to fill their plates.

The magazine names the Longboat Key Gourmet Lawn Party, Fish Fry, Kiwanis Club of Longboat Key Pancake Breakfast and Taste of the Keys as local events with pothead potential.

A local tourism official said the Key could clinch the No. 1 slot if the medical marijuana amendment passes and the Grass is Greener clinic opens.

Meanwhile, local organizations plan to cash in if the clinic opens by selling items such as pancakes and fried fish outside its doors to raise funds.
 

Contact Robin Hartill at [email protected]

 Hopefully you made it to the end of the article, so we can say, Happy April Fools' Day! This story is not true.

 

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