Siesta Key votes to secede from Sarasota County

In a surprise move Wednesday, an overwhelming majority of Siesta Key citizens voted to secede from Sarasota County, resolutely carrying out a referendum that county commissioners declared illegal.
In retaliation, the commission nixed plans for the long-awaited Siesta Key trolley.

“That will show them,” one county commissioner said Wednesday, responding to the vote. “We cannot stand this sort of subordination. We have to send a clear message that this kind of behavior is not tolerated in Sarasota County in 2014.”

Voter turnout on Siesta Key was 99%, and 97.5% of Siesta Keyan voters favored secession. (One voter wrote in “Que sera, sera.”)

The secession movement organically began Monday, after a Siesta Village retailer who was fed up with stepped-up enforcement of the outdoor display ban moved his entire store onto the sidewalk. When a county code-enforcement official arrived to issue a fine, disgruntled Siesta Keyans began throwing flip-flops, causing him to flee.

“I got some sand on my shirt, but I’m OK,” the official later explained. “It really wasn’t a big deal.”

This simple act of protest, however, quickly gathered momentum. Siesta Key residents took to the streets of the Village Monday, and by Wednesday they were voting on a referendum for the island’s secession.

“Viva la revolución!” one resident passionately shouted at a rally Wednesday, speaking through a bullhorn exactly five decibels above the county’s new noise limits.

“I can never find a spot to park, traffic is awful,” another resident said. “But when they (county commissioners) started talking about allowing construction past the Gulf Beach Setback line, well, that’s when I said, ‘Enough is enough.’”

The secession movement’s leader, a prominent Siesta Key architect, claimed Siesta citizens have “had enough of the roundabouts, dredging, the outdoor display ban, not being able to use our low-speed vehicles and your draconian noise ordinance laws.”

Many Siesta Key residents also pointed to the “unique nature” of Siesta Key, claiming that the decisions made in the County Commission’s chamber were “out of touch” with islanders’ needs.

“They just don’t get us,” said one resident who had been camping out in the Village for three days as part of the protest. “We live in a different world than the rest of the county.”

While Siesta Key still remains completely dependent on Sarasota County for its electricity, gas and just about everything else, the enthusiasm for secession was not dampened.

“We can just fish for food,” one resident excitedly explained at Wednesday’s rally. “And we can finally finish the Beach Road Drainage Improvements.”

It was not immediately clear, however, what the source of funding would be available for ongoing projects such as the drainage improvements retention pond or the Siesta Beach improvements.

“First it’s Siesta Key, then next maybe it’s Palmer Ranch, the Oaks or the Landings,” a county commissioner said. “We can’t afford a domino effect; we have to contain this.”

Mainland residents similarly expressed concerns about how the secession might affect their enjoyment of Siesta Key.

“I’m supposed to grill some hotdogs at the beach this weekend,” one resident said. “I guess I’ll have to go to Venice.”

County commissioners emphasized that the Siesta Key “referendum” is a clear violation of county ordinances and will not be recognized by the rest of the county,” the county released in a eleventh-hour statement late Wednesday night.

One Siesta Key citizen, when questioned about her resolve should the county attempt to reacquire Siesta Key, answered, with tears in her eyes, “I regret I have but one parking spot to give for my island.”

Contact Nolan Peterson at [email protected]

 Hopefully you made it to the end of the article, so we can say, Happy April Fools' Day! This story is not true.