Squatters pay cash for keys to Colony

APRIL FOOLS — The names of guests in the 40-year history of the Colony Beach & Tennis Resort read like a “Who’s Who” list of celebrities:

President George W. Bush. Critically acclaimed “Naked Gun” star O.J. Simpson. Comedic genius Tommy Chong. Internet founder/documentary-maker Al Gore.

The Colony closed in August, but now the historic resort is filling up with guests with an inconvenient truth of their own: They’re squatters who were sick of squatting in mainland properties. They got the keys to paradise as the result of an error made during December’s liquidation sale.

According to a police report, liquidater Chuck Oliver discovered a ring of 232 keys that he thought were for decoration only — like the wax sculpture of a Santa-suit-clad Bud Collins or the reindeer display that Code Enforcement ordered longtime Colony CEO and Chairman Dr. Murray “Murf” Klauber to remove after he decorated them with hearts for Valentine’s Day. Oliver placed the key ring in a box filled with $3 crème brulée dishes and said he was “thrilled” when a man bought the keys, along with a chainsaw, reindeer display and a bronzed sculpture of a monkey hugging a banana tree.

The Longboat Observer covered the first day of the sale and interviewed the man, along with other sale-goers, about his purchases.

The man declined to give his name, joking coyly yet cryptically that he was in the Federal Witness Protection program — a common response from Longboaters about to be photographed.

“I wanted to buy a piece of history,” he said. “I don’t plan to use this stuff.”

But police say he did have a plan.

The chainsaw? He revved it up and sawed off the padlock that was used to seal off the Colony property.

The reindeer? Police believe that, soon, they’ll be back in town. Code Enforcement has received anonymous threats that they’ll be outside the property by Easter, this time sporting bunny ears.

The keys? He sold them through a “Cash for the Key” advertisement on Craigslist.

Town officials learned about the squatter situation after receiving complaints a group was camping out at the resort’s tiki hut. Upon further investigation, they found the resort to be littered with items considered suspicious on Longboat Key, such as beer cans and children’s toys. They discovered as many as 10 squatters living in each of the 232 Colony units.

But, despite neighboring residents’ complaints, town attorneys believe the scheme is legal. An ancient legal concept known as “adverse possession” in Chapter 95 of Florida Statutes allows abandoned homes to be taken over if the squatter buys the home keys and pays taxes and maintenance costs for an abandoned property, meaning that squatters have already taken the first step toward a legal stay.

Meanwhile, Colony Resort Association officials were hesitant to comment. Attorneys suggested that allowing squatters could fulfill a requirement that the resort be used as a tourism destination by Aug. 15, in order to avoid losing half of the Colony’s grandfathered units. But they said that the squatters must be good stewards of the property and, specifically, should not put their feet up on the coffee tables until a dispute involving unit furniture has been resolved in Sarasota County Circuit Court.

The Colony Association renovation plans for the units will continue as planned, including installing hardwood floors throughout each unit and installing 54-inch, big-screen TVs in each living
room.

Although the town is currently out of legal options, officials have vowed that they won’t cut the squatters any slack. If they light the Colony tiki torches, they’ll have to comply with the town’s open-burn ordinance, and intensive turtle-lighting education seminars will be required.

One squatter said he found the town’s stance on some ordinances to be too rigid. He was also disappointed that a wider wine selection wasn’t left behind. But he refused to dwell on the hardships. He said that he and his new neighbors would work to revive Colony traditions by perfecting their stone-crab recipes with leftover kitchen equipment. By the Fourth of July, he predicted that the resort could have enough guests for a kids parade.

In the meantime, squatters are resurrecting the little traditions that made the Colony special. Squatters have taken to pranks such as short-sheeting one another’s beds. Recently, they surrounded the Colony tiki hut joining hands to protest a proposed town beach furniture ordinance that would require outdoor squatters to move their mattresses indoors. Looking back on the past locations where he has squatted, the man said that the Colony has a true sense of community.

“This,” he said, “beats the heck out of Bradenton.”
 

SCAM ALERT

Two Longboat Key snowbirds returned to their condominium unit in January and found that it had been taken over by squatters in another “Cash for the Key” scam. Police believe that the husband and wife entrusted their keys to a housesitter, who agreed to dust, water plants and feed the couple’s goldfish but, instead, sold their keys online. Police have spotted “Cash for the Key” signs popping up throughout Longboat Key, causing concern that the scam could grow as other snowbirds head North this spring.

Police have also received complaints from three residents who said they were scammed into sending checks to the Bradenton-based P.O. Box listed on the signs because they thought “Cash for the Key” was a 501c(3) organization benefiting the cash-strapped town.

Contact Robin Hartill at [email protected].