No shirt, no shoes, no service
7:21 a.m. — 2800 block of Browning Street. Suspicious Person. Officers received a report of a man with no shirt or shoes harassing someone’s wife. The suspect stumbled away and was not located.
9 a.m. — 1700 block of Morrill Street. Disorderly Conduct. Police were called to break up an argument between two apartment dwellers. The upstairs neighbor complained that the downstairs neighbor continually taps on his ceiling. An officer told them to settle their dispute without yelling at each other.
2:40 p.m. — 4400 block of South Tamiami Trail. Petit Theft. A woman wearing hospital scrubs walked into an adult-products store and commented on how low the prices were, saying she’d be back the next day. She returned, as promised, with two friends. One of the friends had a child with her and was asked to leave the store. When the bargain-hunter walked to the counter to make a purchase, her other friend stole a few items. The clerk immediately saw that some things were missing and pressed the alarm. The women fled the store. The items stolen were lickable body oil, Emotion Lotion and flavored lubricant.
He’s fallen and he can’t get up
8 p.m. — 8200 block of South Tamiami Trail. Assistance. A mall security guard called sheriff’s deputies, because a man at the mall had fallen down and could not get up. He appeared to be extremely intoxicated. The man told the deputy that he drank every day and that he “definitely drank a lot today.” The man was taken to an alcohol-treatment center.
Auf wiedersehen, belongings
9 a.m. — 4100 block of Center Gate Boulevard. Armed Burglary. A man returned home from work to find his front door kicked open. The burglar stole a 42-inch flat-screen TV, a computer, a gun and a World War II Nazi bayonet with German writing on it.
Someone needs paddling
1:25 p.m. — 1000 block of South Euclid Avenue. Petit Theft. A woman at a community center placed her wallet on a bench while she played ping-pong. Another woman sat down on the bench. The ping-pong player heard change being dumped on the bench and went over to look. Her wallet was still there, and nothing seemed wrong, so she went back to playing. The other women then got up and left. The ping-pong player went over to the bench and discovered $40 was missing from her wallet.
3:26 a.m. — 2700 block of East Avenue. Threat. A man who is getting divorced reported his estranged wife is harassing him. She called him from work and told him that she has a right to be at his new home, “so get ready for some fun.” She called back a minute later telling him she was pregnant. The man said they were getting divorced because she had an affair with his cousin, so he’s hoping the cousin is the father — if she’s really pregnant.