I wish AI was just a sauce you put on steak

I went 12 rounds, but it wasn't mano a mano. It was human vs. AI.

I got knocked out.

It all started with the bad news that my credit card was hacked. Someone had successfully changed the address on my card and made two fraudulent purchases at an out-of-area Walmart.

My credit card company's fraud department caught the activity, but informed me that my existing card would be cancelled and a new card would be shipped in the mail. It was going to take a couple of weeks.

Then the fun began.

Since I had two recurring charges on my card, I had to make sure those weren't coming due to a cancelled card. One was Cooper's Hawk, which was a breeze to change to a different form of payment. 

The other was AT&T, a communications company, for goodness sakes.

I went to the AT&T site online and tried to make a change there, but I was having trouble. I had no online account as I started the service approximately 15 years ago and had always paid my bill every month with no need for any contact.

I went to the "Contact Us" prompt and wrote down the number, 800-901-9878. I called it.

"Welcome to AT&T prepaid," the non-human said. "Your account has a zero balance, congratulations."

What followed was a minute-long pitch to sign up for a better, and more expensive service, since I was such a great customer.

No thanks, I like my plan.

O.K., so then it was back to a menu of options. None which would allow me to change my payment method.

Operator please.

"In order to connect you to a service agent, we need to confirm your four-digit account pin."

Account pin? Yikes. I have had the plan 15 years and never needed one. "I don't have one," I said to the non-human.

"We need to reset your account pin. So I need to confirm your Zip Code."

OK, 34211.

"We don't recognize that Zip Code. We need your Zip Code when you started the account."

That was 15 years ago, I don't remember it.

"Sorry, your Zip Code doesn't match the account. Please try again later."

Click.

Oh, for goodness sakes.

Stupidly, I repeated my call with the same results.

It was time to punch back.

One of the options was for a new service account. I knew that one would be answered.

So after the greeting, I hit that option, and was overjoyed to be correct about my assumption.

"Welcome to AT&T," said an actual human being.

I told the guy about the trouble I was having and was told he would transfer me to the right department since he couldn't take the information. I pleaded with him not to transfer into another AI system that wouldn't allow me to speak to a human being.

"Do you want help or not?" he shot back.

Please don't transfer ...

Click.

Oh my *!@#$%*

Now I was angry. I called again, and once again hit the option for a new account. I figured the last agent was just a complete jerk and that someone else would be more helpful.

"Welcome to AT&T," a woman said.

I explained my trials and tribulations and she sounded like she genuinely cared. She told me to stay on the line and she would try to reach someone for me. But after dialing what she thought was the appropriate number, she received the same message as I did on my initial call. She tried to get through the pin and Zip Code with no luck.

"Do you have an AT&T store near you?" she asked.

Well, there's one about 10 miles away.

"Just go there," she said.

I am just trying to pay my bill.

"Sorry, but this is not my department."

I did my best to stop myself from an emotional meltdown. I asked her name and was told it was Geraldine. I asked Geraldine if I could speak to a supervisor.

"There is no supervisor in this building," Geraldine said.

I could hear in the background that were many other people who were answering phones. No supervisor? I asked Geraldine what country she was speaking from.

"Kingston, Jamaica."

I pleaded with Geraldine to give me a number of a human being who could help me, but she said she didn't have one. She wanted to help me, but she couldn't.

I started to feel like I was trying to get in touch with the CIA.

I hung up, defeated.

The next day, AT&T sent me a text which asked me to rate its service from 1 to 10. It was straight 1s across the board.

Another day later, and I had new hope. An AT&T representative, Nicole, called me and left a number. I called it immediately.

"AT&T does not accept calls to this number," was the recording.

*!@#$%*

I called AT&T back at its main number, selected new accounts, and told the person who answered that Nicole had called to help me.

"There is no Nicole," I was told. "Nicole is an AI."

Unfortunately, there was no referee to stop AI from punching me while I was down. 

Since that call, I have received four text messages from AT&T.

"Thanks for chatting with our AT&T agent! If you decide AT&T is the right provider for you, give us a call."

"Fast, reliable home internet with equal upload and download speeds."

"Don't miss this limited-time offer. Get up to a $200 Reward Card when you sign up for an eligible AT&T plan."

"Game, stream & work on all your devices."

I would rather set what little hair I have on fire.

Should I be better with today's technology? Sure.

That being said, it is scary to me that members of our nation's business community have so little regard for a person who might have a problem outside the five responses that an AI system can recognize.

I have decided I won't use a phone anymore. Instead, I am going to smoke signals.

What is your feeling on the subject? Send me an email at [email protected].