Key Notes: ‘Siesta Key’ Episode 16 Recap

On this week's episode we learn Brandon is a fool, Garrett is now Mr. Cool and Alex is probably skipping school.

By Katie Johns
| 9:26 a.m. February 20, 2018

Arts + Entertainment
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Well, well, well.

Another week has come and gone and our Siesta Keyers are still getting caught up in the drama.

New love interests? Check. A life chat on the beach? Check. Garrett shirtless for 5394839 seconds? Check.

Let’s dive in.

After Canvas narrates the recap, the episode opens on Madisson rolling over in bed to her phone blowing up with texts and calls from Brandon “scum of the Earth” Gomes.

If you recall from a mere seven days ago, which really feel likes 42 days, Madisson found out that Brandon cheated on her from none other than her arch nemesis Canvas.

Paige comes to the rescue and tells Madisson to stop calling herself a fool. She also says maybe Brandon doesn’t know what love means, and I think Paige should write a “how-to guide” about how to not let boys make you feel stupid.

Let’s take a quick pause to dance to the theme song. Thank you, Carly Rae Jepsen.

Okay, we’re back.

Alex and Juliette take a random walk on the beach, and I am confused because they are supposed to be in college, but the beach is not a four-walled lifeless lecture hall.

Anyway, those two do their thing and we let them be because we (I) don’t really care.

Garrett and his friend run down the beach shirtless, and we all take a moment to thank The Lord. Then Garrett says some words about feeling a ~sexual~ connection to Kelsey and he wants to just be friends with benefits. At least he’s being honest, right?

Then, in a strange turn of events, the King of Siesta Key Mr. Alex Kompothecras shows up at Casa del Madisson and Kelsey to help Madisson get over her break up. As a friend. Giving advice. Confused? Same.

“I know you’re hurt,” he says. “I know. I can look at you,” he says.

Umm, what, sir? You can look at her? Well so can anyone that has two seeing eyes. I don’t think this makes you friend of the year.

Moving on.

Next we have scummy Brandon having a chat with his dear mother who has yet to learn how rude her son is. Let’s all send her prayers or good vibes or whatever you’re feeling.

Mama Gomes is no dummy and she tells her dear, stupid son that she can tell something is wrong. Moms always know, right? (Hi, mom!)

Brandon finally spills his dirty little secret (Now you’re going to have All American Rejects stuck in your head all day. You’re welcome) and comes clean. BUT, he starts it by explaining that Madisson missed his show because he was in New York, and I mean, really, why can’t people just take responsibility for their actions without blaming other innocent people?

Anyway, Mama Gomes gives him advice: Find Madisson and tell her you're sorry.

We pan back to Alex telling Madisson the couch potato life is not the life for her, and though, I agree, I don’t know that Alex is really qualified to be giving out life and/or relationship advice. There is still time to sign the petition to have his jaw wired-shut permanently. Call me, beep me, if you want to sign it.

The official "Siesta Key" Twitter account throws some shade at Brandon.

Anyway, he invites her on his boat because he thinks boats can fix everything, and I really need him to step down and join us boatless plebeians in the real world so he knows not everything can be solved by speeding around the Gulf of Mexico on a boat.

She says she is going to pass. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Let’s cut to some bullets because we are ONLY 10 minutes into the episode.

Garrett and Kelsey get gelato. Garrett mispronounces gelato as “gilato,” but we’ll forgive it because he is Garrett “abs for days” Miller.
Garrett invites Kelsey to a charity event where he is offering his car washing services as an auction item.
Madisson and Paige visit Kelsey at work, but Canvas shows up and Madisson leaves.
Paige stays behind to talk to Canvas briefly, and I am starting to wonder why everyone is taking their anger toward Brandon out on Canvas who was the only one honest with Madisson.
We are now 12 minutes into the episode, and this is the most that’s ever happened this quickly ever.
Madisson changes her mind and shows up for Alex’s boat day. Alex is happy. Juliette is not.
Juliette wants to know why Alex would think she would be cool with him wanting to make his ex feel better. He tells her to be nice. What has gotten into him?
Carson tells Brandon his plan to go from the "friend zone to end zone" with Kelsey.
Brandon sees an Instagram post from Madisson that reveals she is on Alex's boat. He does not approve.
A girl named Nicole wins Garrett’s car wash. She tells him to wear nothing. We all roll our eyes.
Kelsey invites Garrett to her house. He doesn’t go.
Back on the boat, Alex, Juliette, Madisson and some nameless others take a ride while Pauly, Hannah and Paige go on a walk. It’s all weird.
Hannah explains that she still doesn’t trust Alex because duh.

Niki's Hot Take: Why Are We Not Talking About Chloe’s Boyfriend

This wasn’t part of this week’s episode, but it was definitely a huge part of a cast member’s social media presence this past week, so let’s talk about it.

On Feb. 13, Chloe posted a series of nine images and a video in on Instagram revealing a secret she’s been keeping throughout filming: she has had a boyfriend this whole time. In her post, Chloe tells us her beau, Ty Page, doesn’t want to be on the show, so they’ve kept him from the cameras.

I had a mixed reaction when I first read this. I think naturally, like most women (who hopefully support other women), I was really happy that Chloe could finally be open and honest about someone who she seems to love very much. I can’t imagine having to hide such a large part of your life, let alone when half your life is filmed and available to anyone with access to cable T.V. or MTV.com.

I also got pretty angry, however, when I sat back and realized the producers must have asked her to not even bring Ty up while filming. This makes this show even less of a reflection of “reality” than it already was (low standard, but still) because we’re essentially led to believe that because he isn’t on camera, he doesn’t exist.

That’s preposterous. To reference another equally terrible yet endlessly entertaining reality show, Bravo’s “Southern Charm” handles this situation perfectly. Cameran Eubanks (who is undoubtedly the most reasonable, wonderful human on that show), is married to Jason Wimberly, a doctor who chose to stay off camera to maintain a sense of privacy and professionalism.

The difference here is that Cameran doesn’t hide the fact that she’s married. It’s not a central part of the show, but Jason is referenced occasionally and there’s never been a forced flirtatious fling (Brandon and Chloe cough cough) between Cameran and any of her fellow castmates. Everyone knows she’s off limits and nobody bothers her about it.

I’m not saying that Ty should be on the show. I deeply respect his decision to not be a part of “Siesta Key” (in fact I think it’s an extremely healthy one). However, I don’t think it’s fair to Chloe to have her pretend to be single and thus subject her to all the negativity she was getting from haters online (she gets a lot of comments saying she would be less nosy if she had a man, etc. etc.)/

Just another reason I’m not a fan of the “Siesta Key” producers ...

— Niki Kottmann

Back to paragraphs because Brandon and Carson roll up to the beach on jet skis and everyone is confused. I’m confused because this “friend” group seems to have a codependency issue. If they are not stalking each other on the Snapchat map, they are stalking each other on Instagram, and this is why everyone hates millennials.

Also, Brandon, if you wanted to feel like you had some sort of right to know where Madisson is 24/7, maybe you should have been a good boyfriend and not cheated. I bet then she would be happy to tell you what she’s up to, but frankly, she owes you nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Please go hide in your recording studio and write a horrible, sad breakup song.

Madisson feels sick. Alex confronts Brandon, so we all know this will go well. If this is the beach version of a knight in shining armor, I want nothing to do with it if it involves Brandon and Alex and their dumb egos.

Brandon says he doesn’t know what to do, and I don’t know, maybe choosing to not cheat on the person you’re in a relationship with is a good start? I feel like this isn’t rocket science.

Brandon interrupts a convo between Paige and Madisson to tell Madisson he can’t sleep at night and none of us feel sorry for him because he did this to himself. I also think maybe MTV paid Nicholas Sparks to write this dumb speech for Brandon because there is no way he came up with this on his own.

Thankfully, Madisson says she can’t get back together with him, and everywhere, female viewers are playing Beyonce’s “Run the World.”

Who run the world? Madisson.

Shall we go back to bullets?

Garrett arrives at Nicole’s house where his shirt is promptly removed in order to clean her car after she cooes “do you really want to get your shirt dirty?” and I ask, in reply, “Nicole, do you really want to become part of a Siesta Key love triangle?” I think not.
Carson and Kelsey go mini golfing, and Carson says he likes where this is going and says he can see Kelsey as his girlfriend.
Kelsey says she doesn’t know where her heart is (aka she still L-O-V-E-S Garrett, and I just want to thank the ladies of Siesta for being 800% honest this week).
Alex and Pauly go running, and Pauly struggles, but I can’t judge him because I watched this episode with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s “The Tonight Dough” in my hand.
Paige meets Canvas at Cask and Ale and they take a lot of shots and kiss before heading to another bar. I’m sure we’ll be hearing more about this later.
Garrett goes on a date with Nicole and suddenly, I miss puppy dog Garrett and not alpha male Garrett. They go back to his place. I’m sorry, Kelsey.
Our episode ends with Alex and Juliette arguing in his pool. Classic.

They talk about the Madisson and Brandon situation and Juliette says it would be hard for Madisson to forgive Brandon. Alex says “it sucks” because Brandon was drunk, and Juliette says that isn’t an excuse. HAND CLAP EMOJIS FOR DAYS.

Alex tell Juliette he knows Hannah talks badly about him, and she asks if he is going to prove her doubts wrong. This whole conversation is dumb though because Juliette thinks Madisson won’t take Brandon back because that would be preposterous, and it is, except Juliette took Alex back after he cheated, so why is she still sitting in his pool giving him the time of day and saying girls shouldn’t take boyfriends back after they cheat if that’s what she did?

And then the sun sets. Kidding, but it does set on this episode, so I’m signing off.

— Katie Johns