It’s early. Too early. I just woke up to what I suspected was Tony’s Boston terrier, Papa Guido (yes, the dang dog has two names!), making his constant and insanely annoying mouth noises. Tony says I’m not used to short-snouted dogs, and maybe it’s true, but that dog never misses a beat when it comes to licking his nose and his you-know-what all the freaking time. I swear he does it just to piss me off.

I’ve barely opened my eyes. The licking has not ceased but sounds too close to be coming from Guido’s ginormous dog bed pillow across the room. Looking to my left, at the dark-skinned Italian lying next to me, I see — and hear — the source of the licky-chompiness: my boyfriend, the human. For a brief moment, I’m disgusted.

I push his mouth shut. Immediately, it falls open, and the chomp-chomp-chomp continues. I’m about to lean my elbow into him, when the real doggie snoring starts up. If only I had a super soaker.

My first thought is to grab the water bottle Tony uses when he irons and spray them both, but I’d probably kick his ass if the situation were reversed. Actually, I know I would. I’m one of those people you don’t want to mess with when I’m sleeping because I just may bite your head off and scream loudly enough to pierce your eardrums. (Oh, and Mom, I know you want to, but you don’t have to comment on how you were scared to even wake me up in the morning during high school.)

So instead, I hurl a small throw pillow at demon dog and gently push Tony away from me. It takes a couple tries to get him to shut up, but finally, the room is quiet. As for my peaceful slumber, that’s wishful thinking. The sun is just coming up …
 

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