Single In Sarasota by Loren Mayo

“If I had the emotional maturity for a relationship, you’d be at the top of my list.”

Today I received an E-card with the above text from a guy I almost dated. Note, I said “almost.”

The thought of him makes a day of bikini waxes and root canals sound relaxing. We met about five years ago, courtesy of one of my girlfriends, but he ruined his chances with me after A). Requesting I drive four hours to West Palm Beach for the weekend and completely ignoring me in public B). Pursuing another female that same evening and aggravating me so much that I drove the four hours back home and C). Proving on every encounter thereafter that he’s so gross I finally had to slap him.

For a reason unbeknownst to me, he continues to e-mail journalist job search ads in his neck of the woods, Washington D.C., and last weekend, he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t jumping on the next plane out of here to see him.

The thing is the text in the e-card couldn’t be more fitting. The guy is so in touch with his inner child that he has the maturity and mentality of the redheaded kid who played Junior in the movie “Problem Child.” But the E-card could also be interpreted as one of the many excuses men come up with for why they aren’t ready for a relationship.

I asked a few girlfriends what some of the best — or worst, depending how you look at it — excuses they ever got from a guy were, and here’s what they said:

“He told me I was not educated enough for him. Funny thing — I found out that a girl actually said that to him.”
“He said, ‘I just got out a relationship and, well, it’s complicated.’ This was after we spent the weekend together.”
“I was in a relationship with a guy for three years who said, ‘I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.’”
“He said he didn’t see long-term potential with me.”
“He said I reminded him too much of his nagging mother.”
“Just the lame-o, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ ‘My career is more important’ and ‘Your (butt) is too big.’ I drop-kicked him!”

So, now let’s hear from you. What’s the worst line a guy — or a girl — has said to you to get out of a relationship? We all have dating battle scars that, let’s face it, make for some pretty good stories.