News Briefs

APRIL FOOLS —

+ Consultant hired to consult with town
The Longboat Key Town Commission agreed at its Thursday, March 25 regular workshop to hire a consultant who will consult with the town on how best to hire consultants.

The decision was made after Commissioner Gene Jaleski urged his fellow commissioners to analyze why the town is hiring the number of consultants it has and figure out if it can reduce its number of consultants.
Town staff, however, may consult with an additional consultant to analyze how much money can be spent to hire the consultant-hiring consultant.

+ Census workers count on free access
The Longboat Key Town Commission will hold an emergency meeting Thursday, April 1. The issue: A U.S. Census Bureau spokesman reported that census workers can’t get beyond the gates at many Longboat Key communities.

Vigilant gatekeepers, who point out that they can’t be sure who is a legitimate census worker and who is an imposter trying to gain access to end-of-season pizza parties, say they’re just doing their jobs by denying access.

Police initially thought that the drivers crashing through the Bay Isles gate were residents who were running late for doctor appointments or bridge games. Further investigation revealed that the drivers were actually frustrated census workers.

+ Peacocks flock to Key Club grounds
For several weeks, residents of the Longboat Key Club Bay Isles have reported seeing peacocks strolling on the golf course greens. Some people have made several calls to the Longboat Key Police Department because the peacocks have been spotted perched on top of pool cages.

“We have been aware of this problem for some time,” said Police Chief Al Hogle. “Two nights ago, one of my officers spotted a white convertible leaving the Village area, the known habitat of these fowls. The top was down, and in the back seat there was a large blue tarp and it kept wiggling. The officer attempted to follow the car along Gulf of Mexico Drive when he was hailed by another vehicle asking for directions to Lynches Pub & Grub on the Circle.”

It was discovered that the second driver was an accomplice to the peacock-relocation movement and was taken to the station for interrogation. After several hours, he admitted he was a member of BIRDNAP (Birds Indirectly Responsible for the Destruction of Neighborhood Association Property).

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