+ Final ULI report is a gem for town
The town got what it paid for with the $125,000 Urban Land Institute report.
The final, final copy was delivered April 1 to Longboat Key Town Hall. Its cover is made from platinum with diamond accents.
Commissioners will now place their right hands on the report when they take their oaths of office.
The report will be held in a secure glass case in the commission break room, which will now be used as meditation space. The town will hire a sculptor to create a monument to the holy book and the eight ULI panelists whose words are memorialized in the book.
Hopefully you made it to the end of the article, so we can say, Happy April Fools' Day! This story is not true.