APRIL FOOLS -- Longboat lands top rank for leisurely travel

With its ingeniously underbuilt road system and picturesque, out-the-car-window scenery, Longboat Key landed the No. 1 world ranking this week in Stop & Go magazine’s list of “Most Relaxing Places to Get Around.’’

The travel publication, known for its dedication to unhurried lifestyles, rolled out the international list as part of February’s annual “Yawn 2017’’ issue.

Machu-Picchu, with its burros; Venice, Italy, and its famous gondolas; Walt Disney World’s Tomorrowland, featuring the popular Wedway Peoplemover, and Colonial Williamsburg, Va., completed the top 5.

“I see something new every time I’m out here,’’ said Uber operator Speenround Andropov, gesturing to a nearby street sign while angry text messages about his late arrival blinked across his phone screen. “I believe that osprey nest has a few more, how you say, twigs than last time I drive this way.’

Stop and Go’s editorial board gave Longboat strong marks for its residents’ patience and well-tanned left arms, along with the ability of bicyclists to regularly overtake exotic sports cars on Gulf of Mexico Drive.

Editors said the go-ahead difference for the top award was the island’s two, traffic-calming devices built to exacting standards to resemble ordinary drawbridges, which open for no apparent reason.

Waiting travelers often have no choice but to take in the surrounding vistas.

 “Sometimes there’s a boat, sometimes, nothing,’’ said S&G magazine’s lists editor Pete Stopp. “They just work.’’

While some of the magazine’s other relaxing locations rely on centuries-old methods of moving vacationers from place to place, Stop & Go said Longboat deserved extra consideration for pulling off a serene atmosphere for homeowners, workers and sightseers alike with modern-day transportation needs.  

Through the years, local businesses have accommodated the slowed-down pace. Publix on Longboat, for instance, has built in a 20-minute delay in its online-deli ordering system, with not a single complaint or spoiled order.

While some Longboaters grouse about traffic and others work tirelessly with authorities both on the island and mainland to facilitate a speedier and, admittedly more stressful system, others are either happy with the current state or blissfully unaware of more hectic possibilities elsewhere.

“I bought this car three years ago with ‘cruise control’ as standard equipment,’’ said Ashley Wilkes VI, a recently retired chief executive officer of CEOs R Us. “Evidently, it works. The wife and I haven’t touched that button or been on a cruise since we brought the damn thing home.