APRIL FOOLS -- 'It's a no-density proposal ... for the living'

A New Jersey entrepreneur next week will formally propose a new plan for some of Longboat Key’s hardest-to-redevelop properties, one that he says won’t affect density one single bit.

Above-ground density, that is.

Vito Tomaino, a businessman and developer from Bayonne, is scheduled to appear before the Town Commission on Tuesday to deliver his proposal to bring a “five-star cemetery’’ to the Key.

“This is a no-density proposition,’’ he said. “For the living, anyways. Hey, Longboat, you ain’t getting any younger.’’

On a recent visit to see an ailing relative who has lived on Longboat Key for many years, Tomaino said he read Longboat Observer stories leading up to the recent Colony referendum vote, and it gave him an idea. Though he’s never built a cemetery before, he has built high-and-dry marinas along the Jersey shore, and he said they’re basically the same thing.

But it was his family’s love of Longboat that drove him to formulate his latest business venture.

“My grandma, who probably doesn’t have much more time on Earth, said she would love nothing more than to spend as much time as possible (on Longboat),’’ he said. “I told her, ‘Grandma, you can stay here forever.’ But it’s got to be the right place. Only the best.’’

Though Tomaino hasn’t specified what properties he has in mind, he said two he has read about spring to mind. The Mote Foundation’s land on Gulf of Mexico Drive, which is already zoned for a commercial use, is a possibility as is the site of the former Colony Beach and Tennis Resort.

The latter would be a challenge worth taking on, Tomaino said.

“You gotta think big,’’ he said. “No one has ever done a resort cemetery.’’

Among the conceivable amenities:

• A 64-foot high, multilevel mausoleum. “You guys got rules about that height stuff down here, right? Feet, stories, whatever. We can deal.’’
• A trolley service for visitors, running hourly from St. Armands Circle. Tomaino said he might consider offers for some kind of partnership with merchants. “Let’s face it, a visit to a grave can only last so long. Then you gotta do something for you, am I right?”
• Preferred “slumber’’ sites that could make use of existing features on the Colony property. Tomaino said he could envision a premium charge for plots under the tennis courts, for fans of the sport. “Maybe even with your doubles partner.''

Every Town Commission member reached was hesitant to speak publicly before hearing the formal presentation. The word “cemetery” appears nowhere in town codes, ordinances, rules or the charter, and such enterprises are typically regulated by the state.

"Jobs,'' said a spokesman for Gov. Rick Scott.

It’s not immediately clear if city leaders could do anything to stop such a plan from moving ahead.

Or if they’d want to.

A quick, man-on-the-street survey of shoppers coming and going from the Longboat Key Publix indicated some support for the notion of a resort cemetery.

“If it keeps one new person and everything that comes with them from messing up my view of Longboat, I’m all for it,’’ said resident Iva Gotmine. “Let’s keep Longboat Longboat.’’